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Too cute not to share

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  • Too cute not to share


    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
    poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a
    wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
    the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
    girl (Penny Brown)who is about to die in the hospital for
    the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change
    once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and
    AOL are sending me for
    participating in their special
    e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
    angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has
    granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually
    horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
    smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
    answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
    make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
    because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to
    watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back
    seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who
    make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
    God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
    causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in
    the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my
    face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or vending
    machines because I could be pricked with a needle infected
    with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
    me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they
    are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
    support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me
    to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with
    calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer have any
    sneakers -- but that will change once
    I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since
    I now have their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
    because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
    seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has
    given us. I can live a better life now because he's told
    us how to fix everything.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the
    $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it
    probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
    underneath my car to grab my leg.

    Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer
    drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people
    in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will
    land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas
    from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow
    a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
    happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
    ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

    Have a wonderful day.

    A South American scientist from Argentina , after a
    lengthy study, has discovered that people with
    insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail
    with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

  • #2

    in what world do we live ?

    may i go out from the flat i am living in ?


    • #3
      Originally posted by Morgan Kane

      in what world do we live ?

      may i go out from the flat i am living in ?
      But you can't hide in the restroom either...remember the spider!


      • #4
        one more problem .....

        i am not rich and i am guilty of the problems of thousands of people who live in others parts of the world and asked my help to transfer money from Europe to these parts of the world..... i refused


        • #5
          Little Miss Muffett

          Tuffets arent safe either it seems!


          • #6
            That's not fair greengryphon! Because I literally know hundreds of nursery rhymes (completely useless knowledge I know) and now I will not be able to get that one out of my head.


            • #7
              Originally posted by Idiot_Savant
              That's not fair greengryphon! Because I literally know hundreds of nursery rhymes (completely useless knowledge I know) and now I will not be able to get that one out of my head.
              No whey!