Balo's Retreat (Jokes Of The Day)

[voilodian ghagnasdiak]

Got a suitable caption for what's about to happen?

Deep in the heart of the backwoods a big, old, bushy, brown, bear is hunched over beside an Elm tree going poop.
Suddenly to the bear's surprise a tiny cotton tail bunny squats beside him and starts to poop also.
The tiny bunny looks up at the bear and say's "Dont you just hate it when those little balls of poo get stuck in your fur ??"
On that note the bear reaches down and grabs the bunny and uses him to wipe his arse.
He then flicks the bunny into the underbrush and replies "YAAA"

[voilodian ghagnasdiak]

Chief Longbow calls for his son Running Wolf to come and attend an important meeting with him.
The Chief sits his son down and explains, “Son… there comes a time in every mans life
in which he has to accept responsibility for his family and people. I have to go on a 3 month journey
to meet the Onondaga Elders and Im leaving you in charge until I return.”
Running Wolf replies, “ Allright father I will look after our affairs until you return. What should I do about
that swampland that we’ve been trying to sell down by the river?”
The Chief replies, “ Don’t drop our price, and if a buyer comes along you sell it son.”
The Chief and a small group of brave’s ride off on their horses heading to Onondaga.
3 weeks pass and the Chief comes riding back into his camp and he is proud to see how orderly his son
has kept things in his absence.
After the Chief gets settled in he sits down with Running Wolf and asks, “ So how did things go while I was away?.”
Running Wolf explains, “Well father I have good news and I have bad news to tell you
in regards as to what happened while you were gone.”
“The bad news is that I sold our parcel of land to the government and they built temporary housing for refugees
from overseas to live in.”

“The good news is that they.....

taste like buffalo.

[voilodian ghagnasdiak]

A midget with a hair lip walks into a stable looking to buy a horse.
He looks up at the stablemaster and states "Excuse me siwr..Ive come to wook at the mawre that you have advewrtised."
The stablemaster thinks.."Shit not another tirekicker."
The stablemaster then leads the tiny fellow over to the mare and opens the stall.
The midget (pretending to be knowledgable in such matters) asks "That is a mighty fine wooking howrse, but hows her eawrs?"
The stablemaster picks the midget up and lets him inspect the mares ears.
The midget states "Yup shes got pwretty good eawrs fowr a howrse."
The stablemaster replies,"Look Im a busy man are you seriously looking at buying a horse?"
The midget retorts "Of couwrse Im sewrious but ive got a few questions that I would wike to have answewred fiwrst. Hows hewr teeth?"
The stablemaster picks the midget up to the horses mouth and lets him inspect its teeth.
After thoroughly inspecting the horses teeth the midget says "Yup she has pwretty good teeth fowr a howrse."
Now the stablemaster is steaming mad. He puts the midget down on the ground and barks "Look are you going to buy this horse or not?"
The midget replies " Im still not quite suwre, Ive still got some questions to ask.
Is thewre any chance that I could see hewr Twrot?"
The stablemaster being at wits end yells "Thats it!."
He then picks the midget up around the waste, lifts the horses tale and inserts the midgets head into the horses backside.
After a brief moment the stablemaster pulls the midgets head back out of the mare and says "There, now are you going to buy this horse?"
The midget looks up at the stablemaster as he wipes off his face with his sleeve and sheepishly replies....

"Wet me wrephwrase that wast question..Do you think that

maybe I could see hewr wrun?"

Nobody else got any good jokes to share and add a little levity to the day?

[cthulhu]

i am gonna put this joke in a spoiler as it may be ofensive some reader

a very elderly man, 90+ years old. is taking a latin classs.
near the end of the semester the teacher comes up to the man after class and says to him "you have done very well in this class but if you dopnt minde me asking why are you taking a latin class at your age?"
the old man replys "well if i die and go to heaven i want to speak to god in HIS language."
the teacher nods her head and asks "well god forbid what hapens if you go to the other place?"
to this the old man replys

"well i already speak german!"

[voilodian ghagnasdiak]

Question:

What is the difference between Beer nuts and Deer nuts ??

Answer:

Beer nuts are $1.25 and...Deer nuts are..............

under a Buck

[Rothgo]

BA travel announcement:
All flights to or from London Heathrow are suspended until further notice.
A statement from BA read: "I ain't gettin' on no plane - you crazy fool!"