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If MM had written LOTR

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  • Peacemaker
    replied
    MM LOTR

    Near the end of the story when things are looking bleak for Sauron and Frodo has reached the Mountains of Shadow, Strider learns that Sauron was the good guy; the human kingdoms had tortured him to take the ring for themselves. Sauron escaped into exile and mounted the only army that was available, an army of orcs and goblins which makes him appear to be evil. Gandolf and Strider are captured by Saramon who shows them a sorcerous video of the past seeing the horrors committed by humanities kings who cannot even get along with each other and revealing that Strider is the Eternal Champion with the elven made sword. It is also revealed that the orcs were once a peaceful folk who were tormented by their human neighbors.

    Golem succeeds in leading the hobbits into a trap in the spider's lair where the hobbits are eaten and Golem retrieves the ring and takes it to Saramon's tower where it is given to Strider. The ring communicates with Strider telling him he was destined to wear the one ring. Strider finally gives in to the temptation and puts on the ring with the urging of Sauramon.

    Strider changes his mind about things as the ring taints his mind and causes him to fight Gandolf who escapes. Saramon tells Strider that there is a cache of old super-weapons hidden in the Lonely Mountain. He travels there and by the power of the sword and the ring, unlocks the weaponry to outfit the army of orcs and annihilates the elves before they can all leave Middle Earth, for they failed in their faith to the humans.

    The orcs--with Strider leading the charge--march onward slaying all humankind and Sauron rules Middle Earth where he spares the dwarves and hobbits because they aren't a threat to him.

    In a final showdown, Strider slays humankind's last hope, Gandolf. At the last minute, Golem comes out of nowhere and attempts to kill Strider having changed his mind too but Strider strikes him down with ease ending the creature's horrible existence. The ring immediately turns Strider into an undead minion of Sauron and he delivers the ring back into the hands of Lord Sauron making him a king eternal in Middle Earth, as long as the ring allows him.

    In the future, the orcs will become civilized and become a race of people that are faithful to Sauron in all ways. Middle Earth is united under a single banner, except for the hobbits and dwarves that live in seclusion and fear that some day, Sauron may demand their patronage.

    Last edited by Peacemaker; 08-31-2011, 11:31 AM.

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  • Papi
    replied
    J'adore !

    Fun !
    But I am not sure which Elric accepte to serve Sauron.

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  • In_Loos_Ptokai
    replied
    Corum stared down from the interdimensional Vadhagh city to the towering monstrosity, built on unstable ground by the looks of things, held up by main force judging from the smoke it was pouring out, and could not decide whether it was a construct of Law or Chaos.

    One huge Eye stared back at him. He pulled back on his eyepatch with his new hand, and beckoned, and out rode the nine Walkers of the Fellowship, down an invisible road directly at the Eye. He hadn't intended to kill them, but the hand had a mind of its own ...

    "Sauron, I presume", Corum said, sarcastically. "And I'm not Zenith."

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  • Alien696
    replied
    Maybe that was a little strong.

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  • Alien696
    replied
    hehehe excellent :)

    Elric awoke to the cold around himas he gathered in the morning air and yawned.. Outside of his little tent a group of beings had gotten together expecting the stranger to come out at any time.
    Elric gathered his belongings and knowing someone out there to mean no good towards his person he slid his weapon out off it's sheath and rolled out off the tent opening into the open field he had put his tent on.
    Surrounding him where the faces of strange grey beings with whiskers that looked like some mutant fish. He scratched his chin and then decided to slay the horrendous invaders.
    A half hour later a group of inter dimensional green peace protestors had gotten close to Elric as his trail of blood was easy to follow.
    Elric raised his blade and readied himself by taking a solid stance.
    The protestors had a banner showing the grey beasts on it, Elric seeing that such meant affiliation with the damned grey monsters and attacked.
    Slaying the protestors he supped of the dark drink of souls and smiled knowing himself to have done well.
    One of the protestors raised himself from the bloody ground and said "but they where baby seals!"

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  • Pietro_Mercurios
    replied
    “C’mere you little bugger.”, said Jerry as he chased Sam Gamgee around the gondola. Sam was proving a difficult hobbit to kick.

    The fellowship had gathered in the airship at Croydon Airport that morning and were already en route to Mount Doom where Jerry knew the final scenes of his interminable tale would take place. He had wondered about following the destiny of the ring through all of its trails and tribulations but decided that the direct route was probably better all round. Anyway, he had an appointment with Una Persson that evening that he wasn’t planning on missing.

    His companions were a mixed bunch. Elric was dressed in a false wizard’s beard trying hard to look like Gandalf. Mrs Amelia Underwood had donned a pair of pointy ears and a flowing dress and was swanning around telling anyone who would listen that she was Galadriel, Queen of the Elves. She had not appreciated it when Jerry had nudged her, raised his glass to Legolas and toasted him with, “Your good elf.”. Shaky Mo Collier was struggling to fit into the dwarf armour supplied for Gimli, who had got into a fight with some locals in Mitcham town centre and could only wish the party well from his hospital bed.

    Frodo, Sam, Legolas and Borimir were the real thing which, Jerry assumed, left him playing Aragorn.

    “Look at all that fighting down below.” Said Elric/Gandalf as they soared over Middle Earth, his mighty black sword singing quietly in its sheath. “I wish I was down there rather than in this flying contraption.”

    “All in good time Blondie.”, said Jerry as he noticed his brother Frank amongst the melee. “I wonder where he’s got Catherine.”, he thought. Not much he could do about it now anyway.

    They reached Mount Doom two hours later. Once they had spotted Gollum amongst the rocks the airship was lowered until he was in range of the craft’s needle cannon. Jerry gave him both barrels and after they were sure he was dead Frodo was lowered to the mountain top to retrieve the ring. Jerry considered it bad form that the hobbit flipped Gollum’s corpse into the volcano with his large hairy foot but, on reflection, thought he probably would have done the same thing himself, just to be sure.

    On the return journey to Croydon the airship stopped off at Mordor so that Elric could join the fun. He dropped from the gondola with a cheery wave of his mighty black sword, leaving his beard behind for the hobbits to play with.

    Back on terra firma in south London Jerry bade his companions farewell and headed back to Notting Hill in the Phantom, the ring safely stored in the inside pocket of his leather car coat.

    “Tasty.”, he murmured, “Very tasty.”
    Last edited by Pietro_Mercurios; 06-07-2011, 11:54 PM. Reason: Edit, edit, edit

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  • Alien696
    replied
    moorcockian Lotr.

    Drawing his sword whilst it was imbedded in the soulles body of one of gthe hobbits around him he warranted a cynical sneer at the demonic powers they definitely didn't have. The lead hobbit launched at him and tried to bash his skull in with a mallet, however the black runeblade thirst was more pominent in the scream of the leg hugging freakboy as it's soul came gurgling out like sewage.
    Elric closed his eyes trusting his safety to Arioch since he definitely could still amuse the lord of chaos more than some sheep shagging wannabe dwarves. Scything through all of the assorted hobbits with the power of a guillotine Elric laughed, once more....

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  • Pietro_Mercurios
    replied
    Tom had finally caught up with the River King's daughter. "I'm a goin' to go for a bit of a fishin' and a thrashin' about in amongst your reedy shallows, my Dearest! With a Hey! Nonny nonny and a dippin'of my dingle-dangle, oh!"

    "Oh! Tom! come in and a-splishy and a-splashy. I'm going to love you long time." Like magic, her usually icey, sparkling brook, warmed and melted, softly, into a warm and steamy Mekong Delta.

    Jerri-o recalled the invitation to strip off, roll about and go skinny dipping. 'Might be worth guddling for a trout, or two, after all.' He considered, reaching for a long stemmed claypipe and the ancient eelskin pouch full of Bombadil's special herbal mixture...

    Of course, the question of whether such pagan throwbacks, to an irrational, animistic past, could be left to further entangle an already complicated timeline would still have to be addressed. He remembered the thermonuclear 'tac in the boot of the Phantom IV, but that was a decision that could be left for a little while. Peacefully, he blew an extravagent roiling purple smoke ring into the air.

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  • xidrep
    replied
    MM LOTR

    How about this?

    'Fa-li-la-dah diddly Oh! Tom's a dingle-dangle po!' Sang Tom Bombadil, prancing aroud the sunny glade.
    'Tralala tinsley ting! I am a soggy & very wet thing!' chimed Goldberry from the rose-gardened cottage.
    'Piss off' muttered Jerry, reaching out for the Jim Beam in the Phantom IV's drinks cabinet. He pulled up the collar of his car coat and pretended he was somewhere else.
    'Tossers' he added, philosophically.

    Even the films left THEM out.

    Perdix (son of Bendix)

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  • Yisselda
    replied
    I t would be nothing alike. with more swearing and straight to the point. and have torture.

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  • Shaeve
    replied
    hehe...nice one :P

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  • Kinsley Castle
    replied
    Originally posted by Shaeve
    Errrr..The enviroment does exist Bruce...its called NEW ZEALAND ...

    If it exists we got it...hehehe

    Surely one of MM`s characters has escaped to NZ, or gone under the witness protection scheme here...J/k
    The Bishop Beesley came through the customs barrier at Auckland airport. His mitre, which he carried under his arm, presently served as a receptacle for the various confections that had sustained him on the flight. Every now and then he would reach into it and retrieve, in his fat fingers, a Mars Bar or a square of Turkish delight.

    He paused and waited for Mitsy Beesley to fetch the luggage, and when she returned, laden with suitcases and trunks, he said, "Well my dear, here we are. New Zealand. They have everything in New Zealand, I hear."

    Mitsy said, "You haven't told me exactly what we're doing here, your Grace. Some scheme, perhaps?"

    "A King among schemes. They have everything here, you see -- rain, clouds, cold, rediculous flightless birds, but above all, Hobbiton, and a veritable feast of hobbits."

    "Marvelous," said Mitsy, as she looked around for the luggage trolley. "I've always wanted to see a hobbit."

    "And you shall. You will find they are uncannily childlike, in their stature, in the delicate lines of their little faces, in the suppleness of their skin and their childlike innocence, even when they are well over the age of consent. And I have bought Hobbiton with all of its hobbits. We shall run it as a retreat for our brothers in the Catholic priesthood."

    "That's quite impressive," said Mitsy. "And debauched and sinister at the same time. Won't the New Zealander's object?"

    "Why no, my child. They've practically invited me in. They even offered me a place in their witness protection program."

    [Was that the kind of thing you meant? ]

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  • Shaeve
    replied
    this habit of MM's characters to go wandering off through the multiverse and land up in all sorts of strange places. So why not Middle Earth? In a multiverse where every conceivable environment exists, there ought to be one or two that look like middle earth, if you catch them in the right light. Isn't that a scary thought?
    Errrr..The enviroment does exist Bruce...its called NEW ZEALAND ...

    If it exists we got it...hehehe

    Surely one of MM`s characters has escaped to NZ, or gone under the witness protection scheme here...J/k

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  • Kinsley Castle
    replied
    "Corr, they din't arf make a mess."

    Nice one Scorpio :mrgreen:

    You were angling for the movies, whereas I was thinking more of the books, and this habit of MM's characters to go wandering off through the multiverse and land up in all sorts of strange places. So why not Middle Earth? In a multiverse where every conceivable environment exists, there ought to be one or two that look like middle earth, if you catch them in the right light. Isn't that a scary thought? I tend to think of them as dystopias --- anything that's insufferably and cloyingly "nice" must be too good to be true.

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  • Scorpio
    replied
    LOL!

    S

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