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If MM had written LOTR

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  • Jerry Cornelius
    replied
    The Touch

    Originally posted by Scorpio
    Horror in Tinseltown
    Filming of the epic "Lord of the Rings" cycle has been postponed indefinitely, due to the sudden and tragic vice-related deaths of the entire special effects team in LA. Insiders are blaming a cult who oppose Mr Talkine's works with a fanatical hatred, on the basis that they are pretentious garbage. More news soon...."
    Excerpt Source: People Magazine, July, 1998

    That would have been the touch, mate.

    J.C.

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  • Scorpio
    replied
    PS should add - I'm not a writer, I just write. Sometimes.

    As different as a puddle and a rainstorm, or something (see this sentence for why I'm not a writer). :oops:
    S

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  • Scorpio
    replied
    I think it would have gone more like:

    "Mrs C had won a trip to California, mainly by scratching silver paint off a piece of card she found in a magazine. She delayed as long as possible, but a pre-sapien instinct to not miss out drew her finally to Gatwick as the moon draws the tides.

    On arriving, juiced up and ready for action (hours stuck in the 'plane anaesthetized by gin and the thought of real-live movie stars) she managed to down a few fruit filled cocktails, sniff some south American snuff someone offered her, blacked out for a bit and woke up in her two-star hotel with a room full of dead men.

    Some of them were young, and had ponytails.

    Some were not so young, and were patching their hair together as they went by.

    One of them was actually quite handsome.

    With a muffled giggle and a resigned air, she prepaid for another month in the hotel on Jerry's card (this sort of thing happened to him all the time, he'd know how to deal with it when the reckoning came) and found herself a seedier and more comfortable hotel off Melrose Avenue where she enjoyed the rest of her stay, coming fatly home with a pierced nipple and an Amerindian skull."

    Horror in Tinseltown
    Filming of the epic "Lord of the Rings" cycle has been postponed indefinitely, due to the sudden and tragic vice-related deaths of the entire special effects team in LA. Insiders are blaming a cult who oppose Mr Talkine's works with a fanatical hatred, on the basis that they are pretentious garbage. More news soon...."

    ...Okay, I cannot do MM's style (though I do a passable Ian Fleming/Andy Mc Nab/Helen Fielding, which proves nothing except I usually have terrible taste) but at least it's original.

    And arguably - rated as fiction - an improvement on fact.... :lol:

    Not to be negative or nuffink....

    S

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  • Yrieix
    replied
    'Tis.

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  • Kinsley Castle
    replied
    Yes, I know. It's very silly. :P

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  • Kinsley Castle
    started a topic If MM had written LOTR

    If MM had written LOTR

    Okay, I'll have a go at kicking this forum off. A while ago on the Straight Dope message board, someone started a thread with the premise: what would Lord of the Rings have looked like had a different author written it? I did this Michael Moorcock version inspired by that thread.


    Jerry Cornelius leapt from his Duesenberg, his needle gun in hand, and took careful aim at the hobbits. The creatures ran screaming, but he shot three down before they made it to their holes, and barricaded themselves inside.

    "Pathetic," he said. "I wonder what my brother Frank wants with them?"

    Una Perrson got out of the car behind him.

    "Are you sure it's Frank?" she said, and adjusted her ammo belt.

    "Yes I'm sure. He wears that silly fake beard and calls himself Gandalf, but he doesn't fool me. I know he has Catherine hidden here, somewhere. If he hurts her I'll kill him... again."

    Una Perrson examined the hobbit hole, squeezing off a few rounds into the darkness, on the off chance of hitting something. "There are too many of these hobbits. How are we ever going to find the one with the ring?"

    At that moment, a dark rider appeared on the horizon, sniffing at the air. He rode into Hobbiton, and dismounted by the Duesenberg. He saw Jerry and Una and approached, pushing back his hood to greet them. It was an albino face beneath that hood, aristocratic, but marred by a troubled, self-absorbed look.

    Una smiled. "Prince Elric. This is an unexpected pleasure. But I'm afraid our quarry has gone to ground."

    "Tis no problem," the Albino replied, bowing low. "We'll soon have them out of their holes. And the sooner we send that ring off to Sauron, the sooner we can all go home."

    From an ancient scabbard Elric drew a huge black sword, which screamed with blood lust in anticipation.
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