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Grant Mendoza- My Insane ramblings

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  • Grant Mendoza- My Insane ramblings

    WARNING: This contains strong language, violence, drug abuse, class abuse, woman abuse and just plain foul. Seriously, if you're easily freaked out, don't read this! I'm honestly not sure why I wrote this, I'm suffering huge writer's block over the Darkblade story and I think that writing down these kind of insane ramblings may either disturb everyone, or just be accepted as genius. Anyway, please try to enjoy.

    GRANT MENDOZA: A JERRY CORNELIUS FOR THE Y2K ERA AND TO BE HONEST… WHO REALLY WANTS HIM?


    Grant Mendoza woke up with the dead corpse of the prostitute beside him. Her skull had been battered in with the large, plastic dildo that Grant Mendoza stuck up his own arse on a boring Friday night. Grant Mendoza smiled happily, yet another chav dead... another chav dead...All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die... He snapped out of it to realise that he had come all over the dead woman's corpse. He smiled happily and picked out a bit of brain from his hair. He took out a needle and proceeded to shoot up, the junk was better than sex and the sex was better than battering another lower class whore to death. He had lost interest in sex, after all, once you've travelled back in time and become your own father, how can you top that in the 'kinky sex' stakes?

    He washed and dressed, placing the small, phallic, smooth laser gun in his jacket pocket. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt himself getting hard. If he could **** anybody in the world, he would **** himself... no, he'd clone an extra clone of himself and have a ****ing Grant Mendoza Three-way-****-Way. Suddenly, in the corner of his eyes, he saw a space hopper bouncing. He stared at it, drool dribbling down his chin...All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die... he woke up to find himself in the middle of Camden Market, surrounded by the bodies of the dead and dying lower class scum, he looked down to see a dying twelve year old child touch his boot. He screamed and kicked the child away. They had besmirched his boot! They had befouled his god damn, mother ****ing boot! He started to cry, long wet tears down his luscious, soulful face and once again, the space hopped bounced in the corner of his eye...All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die... "I could really do with some ice cream," giggled Grant, happily skipping away from the carnage.


    As Grant skipped down the streets, he ran into Charles, the ex-Boyfriend who he had broken up with because he dared to be away from his wondrous nipples for a month and Kate, the girl he really only wanted as a piece of arm candy to show off to his parents so he would not have to incur the wrath of their latent homophobia. They were both cardboard cut outs, Charles was played by that one guy in the background of that episode of Crossroads and Kate was played by a picture of Billie Piper with red hair photo shopped onto the body of Michael Douglas, a zombie. Grant was played by non-cardboard cut-out of James Van Der Beek, but he was being out acted by both of them.

    "Hullo Charles, Hullo Kate," said Grant eagerly, pulling the laser pistol out and licking it suggestively.
    "Hello Grant," said Charles, "I am a paper thin character designed only to allow you to be able to accept your homosexuality and thus get over your incredibly illogical relationship with Rose Tyler, I will then prove to be an unsympathetic beau and then break up and have sex with you because YOU are too clingy early on in our relationship. I have no character, I like goats, I like goats, I like goats, I like goats, I like goats..."
    "Hullo Grant," said Kate, "I was originally entranced by your soap opera star looks and the fact that you look like a generic twenty something actor. But when I found out you were gay, I became unsympathetic and quite a little offensive believing that all you needed was a proper woman to show you a good time. But now we may be a couple, although you are really embarrassed by the simple idea that any person would actually find you attractive and thus try and sabotage any relationship you ever have."

    Grant stared.
    "I have a first," he murmured, forced to fall back on the basics of his character profile and proving himself once and for all, to be incapable of actually gaining a third dimension of character reality...All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die
    All chav's must die… So he raped them both in the streets, right there, just like that, admit it, you’re watching, you’re imagining it right now you dirty bastards, go on, do something else while I write the third chapter.

  • #2
    Essex Psycho?

    All chav's must die
    Can definitely relate to the sentiment ;-) ;)
    Last edited by devilchicken; 08-27-2006, 03:45 PM.
    Batman: It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.

    Robin: Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes!

    Comment


    • #3
      manmiles,

      I did not know that you could be twisted! haha

      Very cool ideas. It really seems to compact well.


      I had just used the name Kate in a story I made a couple of weeks ago.

      Interesting,I hope I am not somehow tapped into you guy's minds here.


      I too tried a different approach to the story.

      I am eager to read more, that was good.


      (Once I get rejected, I'll post my latest short fiction,here as well. )


      Thanks!


      -Lemec

      "With a deep, not-unhappy sigh, Elric prepared to do battle with an army." (Red Pearls)
      - Michael Moorcock

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