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Poem: untitled

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  • Poetgrrl
    Defender of the Runestaff
    • Aug 2004
    • 357

    Poem: untitled

    take this lung
    I don’t need it
    it’s no good to me now

    it won’t work
    no matter how I squeeze it
    no air in or out.

    it wheezes and pings
    it crackles and sings
    it does everything but breathe for me.

    and it’s sister next door isn’t much better
    wheezing louder than my husband can stand
    keeping him up at night
    while I sit up and fight for some little molecule of air.

    CO2 laughs in my lungs laughing all the way
    at my plight
    while that lonely little O2 tries to make its way
    to my purple blood yearning to be fiery red.
    I want to lie down and go back to bed
    to sleep, perchance to breathe.

    KES
    November 6, 2005
  • L'Etranger
    Veteran Moorcockista
    • Dec 2003
    • 4772

    #2
    That's frightening, now I know why I gave up smoking. I hope you do get better soon!
    Google ergo sum

    Comment

    • S_Ombre
      Denizen of Moo Uria
      • Apr 2005
      • 149

      #3
      Brava Poetgrrl! An excelent peice of peotry, although a somewhat frightening one.

      S. Ombre

      Comment

      • Poetgrrl
        Defender of the Runestaff
        • Aug 2004
        • 357

        #4
        i have asthma that's just gotten a little more frustrating this time of year.

        never thought it'd be a poem sujbect, though... 8O

        Comment

        • L'Etranger
          Veteran Moorcockista
          • Dec 2003
          • 4772

          #5
          Originally posted by Poetgrrl
          i have asthma that's just gotten a little more frustrating this time of year.

          never thought it'd be a poem sujbect, though... 8O
          I feel with you. My allergy against certain grasses makes me suffer asthmatic fits every July and it is hellish. My sympathies.
          Google ergo sum

          Comment

          • DeeCrowSeer
            Eternal Champion
            • Feb 2004
            • 2214

            #6
            It is a fantastic poem, but I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering for your art. I wasn't quite sure what the cause of the breathlessness was in the poem itself, and that does conjure up all sorts of theories in the mind of the reader. And "...perchance to breathe" is a great last line.
            "That which does not kill us, makes us stranger." - Trevor Goodchild

            Comment

            • xidrep
              Champion of the Balance
              • Nov 2004
              • 1783

              #7
              Yes, I'm an asthmatic, too. I don't suffer much these days, but I've had a few near-death apnoeic experiences (don't go towards the light!). Excellent, strangulating sense of the panic-verging struggle, the desperate dyspnoea, PG. You're a talent. :P

              Comment

              • Azariel
                Eternal Companion
                • Sep 2005
                • 787

                #8
                Good thing I never caught on the habit of smoking cigars! Count my blessings and my two healthy lungs to boot! Excellent piece, poetgurl.

                Kinda brings to mind a story of Alice Cooper. When recording "The Ballad of Dwight Frye," that infamous "Get Me Outta Here" effect was done - no cheat ing special effects - but by burying Alice under chairs (imagine the claustrophobia), so he WAS really freaking out when he sang that part, like a raving lunatic! Well, guess better than him being thrown in a loony bin for real! Oh, darn. . . I forgot where I was going with this :lol:

                Comment

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