Short Story Intros

[HawkLord]

Hey I was wondering what you guys would think of these intros for short stories. My English teacher said I had to do an intro for character and one for setting so I did these really weird stuff and it is rather interesting. Comments would be appreciated!

(not sure if the formatting will come out right)

Story Intros

Character:

Aloneness hangs tantalising, pale orange, slipping, fading. Rein in the red-shift. He tolls the iron bell, clarity unfolded. Dub the mix, mix the dub, purple obscures his heart. He is still yelling, angry sea greenblue. Through the clear blue seas, desperation; he learns the true secrets of nothing. Dark-white; empty-matter; energy that all adds up. All adds up. All up adds. Up all adds. Adds all up. Up up up. Down-up-ness. Nothing-matter. Fake. Nothing lies beneath so we stick it in the dub-mix. He still stands alone, mic-like, dreaming, daring to wish. Falls inward, onward. In, out, out, in. Upwards, outwards. Up and out. Supernovae! Can’t get bigger, but he is not there. Bleak, cold, sterile white. So inwards again we spiral.
inward,
onward,
inward,
onward,
inward,
onward,
inward,
onward,
inward,
onward,
inward,
QUARK! Can’t get further, edge of reason. Clear crystal blue, looking through. There! Edge of sight, edge of conciousness, Nothing! There he is! Deepest blue, obscured by a purple cloud. He wants to break his chains, but has not the will. Dreams of pale orange, pale, paler, palest. Fake.


Setting:

Orange, fading. A sense of luminous green, but otherwise bleak. Switch the mix; mix the switch. Take it back, blue a bit. Welcome to the Pale Orange Arcade. Hanging purple, decrepit from a rotting wall covered in water-ruined posters. Peeling from the wall in droves, we step inside. Pale orange pervades the senses immediately, masking a noxious, threatening crimson. Glares sharp as a cut-throat razor pierce the gloom like a million lasers. Falling to the ground, retching from the onslaught of hostile redblack. Crimson spills and is hastily covered by pale orange. Steal a glimpse, don’t let them catch you. Take a drink, feel the dark blue. In a corner, fiery red. On the dance floor, frenetic greenbluepurple. And at the edge, almost invisible, precious rainbow. Welcome to the Pale Orange Arcade.


EDIT - the formatting on the first one isn't actually as it should be, the bit that goes inward, onward... is supposed to be arranged in an arrow.

[A_Non_Ymous]

Amusing in a surrealist sort of way.

I would, however, think seriously about losing the "inward/ onward / inward / onward..." stuff. It seems more "cute" than effective. I always distrust tricks of this sort. Your choice, of course.

LSN

[A_Non_Ymous]

I find it interesting that your secondary school English classes have you write stories. I don't think I was ever required to do that in English class until I was in college English, and then only once.

Perhaps it's a good teaching tool. I can't say.

LSN

[devilchicken]

I have some fairly fond memories of my secondary school English classes - certainly rather more so than I have of my studies at college and university (when everything became all serious and about 'conventions' and quoting the right people).

Used to look forward to having to write creatively, there was something of a competitive element to it of course, and unfortunately I was never able to finish most of the stuff I started. Pretty much all my attempts at short fiction inevitably ended up over 5000 words and fell afoul of deadlines. I got an A for effort though - and reccommendations that I pursue writing (in one capacity or another) as a career option. Good to see its still being promoted in secondary level education.

As an aside the bookstore I'm currently working at in the US is currently selling study aids for the new SAT exam. Apparently students are being asked to write essays, and are panicking at the prospect of a discursive test rather than the usual multiple choice tick box deal. Currently doing a lot of business selling vocabulary flash cards (the sort of things I remember being my parents forcing me to read as a 4 year old) and educational editions of classi novels (with certain useful words highlighted in the text, and definitions given in the margins).

Literacy is clearly an underrated commodity these days.