Bearland
by "Kinsley Castle"
Chapter One
Once upon a time, in a neverland that never existed, there was a place called Bearland. Bearland is the place where all the unowned teddy bears eventually go, after many an adventure and diversion. There was Willie Bear, Blurry Bear, Brainy Bear, Sammy Bear, Brushy Bear, and Rumpty Tumpty, amongst others. All the teddy bears in Bearland lived for games and jolly jests. They took them very seriously indeed, so every three weeks they voted to see who would be the new Master of Games.
Willie Bear had been the Master of Games for quite some time now. He invented a game called "What's this in your mouth?" which was kind of gross, but funny at the same time. Some of the fussier bears, however, didn't like Willie Bear one little bit. They chastised him loudly for his disgusting game whenever anyone would listen. But Willie was a jolly sort of teddy bear and generally well-liked, so nothing ever came of it.
The bear who chastised loudest of all was Rumpty Tumpty. He was a rather tatty old teddy bear with only one eye, and since he didn't feel very happy or look it, he wasn't a jolly teddy bear in the least. Rumpty Tumpty and Brushy Bear were best friends. They suited each other. Brushy Bear wasn't too smart, but he came from a respectable toybox. Rumpty Tumpty wasn't that respectable, but he possessed a sort of mad low cunning that, in a certain light, resembled genius, if you didn't look too closely, and didn't mind the peculiar smell. Together they made a formidable team.
On the day before the election, Rumpty Tumpty took Brushy Bear aside and he said, "I don't think I can stand another three weeks of Willie Bear and his cronies. I don't like him. I don't like him at all. I can't even stand him for one single more day!"
Brushy Bear scratched his big empty head, and said, "Well gee Rumpty. Folks like Willie an awful lot. What can we do?"
Rumpty Tumpty paced up and down for a bit. "I've got it! Brushy Bear, tomorrow you'll stand for election."
Brushy Bear looked scared. "I don't know Rumpty. A bear's got to be mighty smart if'n he wants to be the Master of Games. I ain't much for thinking, you know that."
"Ah, but Brushy, I'll be there behind you, and I'm very clever indeed. All you've got to do is say I'm your advisor. And when you're the Master of Games you can have a brand new tinkly bell. What do you say?"
Brushy Bear considered this a moment. "Would this be a shiny new bell?"
"Brushy, my friend, when you're the Master of Games you can have all the shiny things you want. Piles of them if you like."
Brushy Bear's eyes lit up. "Gee, piles of shiny things. I guess I'll do it."
The day of the election came around and all the bears gathered on the common. But Willie Bear was nowhere to be seen. This worried the teddy bears of Bearland a great deal, because if they could have, they would have voted for him again. (In truth, he had stayed away, because he'd grown tired of how the fussy bears fussed and spoiled his games and merry jests.) One of Willie's friends had to stand in his place, just so as not to let the side down. But when Brushy Bear came to the common and put his name forward, all the bears were astonished.
"How frightfully interesting," said Blurry Bear.
"A conundrum, to be sure," said Brainy Bear.
Brushy Bear was standing on the rostrum, with Rumpty Tumpty at his side. So Brainy Bear went over for a word, and the other teddy bears gathered around to hear what Brushy had to say for himself.
"Master of Games," said Brainy Bear, "is a very responsible position. Are you sure you've got enough stuffing in your head to do the job?"
"Ooh," said Brushy Bear. "That's an easy one! T'ain't no stuffing in my head at all. It's hollow and there's a tinkly bell inside." By way of demonstration he shook his head vigorously, which did indeed tinkle.
Rumpty Tumpty grabbed Brushy Bear by the arm and whispered urgently in his ear. Then he turned and grimaced at the crowd. "I assure you, Brushy Bear is perfectly qualified for the job. He will have the best advice from experienced advisors." He stood on the tips of his paws when he said it, and spread his arms ever so slightly.
Brainy Bear gave Rumpty Tumpty a long, appraising look. "Perhaps," he said.
On another day the result would have been a clear loss for Brushy Bear. But that day, demoralised by Willie's departure, Willie's friends didn't make a good show of it. In the afternoon, after the ballot boxes were all gathered up, the counting began. And all across the common, the Bears gathered to watch and to see who would become their new Master of Games. The first box went to Brushy Bear, but the next went to the friends of Willie. And so it went all the long afternoon. By afternoon tea, Brushy Bear and the friends of Willie were locked in a dead heat with only one ballot box left to count. And though the tea and scones were rolled out on the tea trolley, not a single teddy bear stopped for a bite or sup.
The electoral bear unlocked the last ballot box and he started to count the votes out loud, one by one, so everyone could hear. At first, Brushy Bear took the lead, but then the friends of Willie started to catch up again.
Rumpty Tumpty, who sat on the edge of the rostrum beside Brushy Bear became so agitated that the stuffing began to bulge from his tatty ears. "We cannot lose," he said. "We must not lose. We will not lose!"
He jumped to his paws and began pacing up and down before the ballot box. The electoral bear gave him a disapproving look, but kept counting the votes one by one. Then, at the very moment the electoral bear picked up the vote that would have drawn the friends of Willie even with Brushy Bear, Rumpty Tumpty seemed to trip. I say he seemed to trip, because it looked plainly faked to everyone close by. Even Brushy Bear frowned at it (although he might just have been trying to stare at the end of his nose again). Rumpty Tumpty tripped, and he went barrelling into the ballot box. The ballot box tipped over. All the votes came spilling out, and a gust of wind took them and sent them flying away across the common, lost forever.
"Oh dear," said the electoral bear.
"Oops, sorry," said Rumpty Tumpty.
The electoral bear fixed Rumpty Tumpty with a very stern gaze. "Do you know what this means? The election is spoiled. We will have to hold it all over again."
"No no no!" Rumpty Tumpty shouted. "No second elections. We need closure, that's what we need! Brushy Bear was ahead by one vote when the counting stopped. So there's your result. Brushy Bear by one vote!"
Someone near the front of the crowd said, "What does closure mean?" Brainy Bear replied, "I don't know. I thought a free, fair, and democratic election was what we needed, rather than closure."
But further debate was impossible. Rumpty Tumpty was chanting Brushy Bear's name. A few of the bears at the back of the crowd, who didn't see what had happened, figured that Brushy Bear must have won the ballot in the usual way, and they started to take up the chant as well. And after that, all the bears on the common got caught up in the heat of the moment.
Brushy Bear went and tapped on Rumpty Tumpty's shoulder. "Duh, we ain't going to get into trouble about this, are we?"
Rumpty smiled maniacally. "Of course not Master Brushy. Congratulations on your triumphant and indisputable victory."
After sunset, when the word had got around, a few concerned teddy bears gathered on the common. The friends of Willie talked of disputing the election result, but the gathered crowd weren't enthusiastic. It was deplorable, yes, but what did it really matter? How much damage could one, rather unintelligent teddy bear do in a mere three weeks? It was better, they decided, to rectify the situation at the next election.
by "Kinsley Castle"
Chapter One
Once upon a time, in a neverland that never existed, there was a place called Bearland. Bearland is the place where all the unowned teddy bears eventually go, after many an adventure and diversion. There was Willie Bear, Blurry Bear, Brainy Bear, Sammy Bear, Brushy Bear, and Rumpty Tumpty, amongst others. All the teddy bears in Bearland lived for games and jolly jests. They took them very seriously indeed, so every three weeks they voted to see who would be the new Master of Games.
Willie Bear had been the Master of Games for quite some time now. He invented a game called "What's this in your mouth?" which was kind of gross, but funny at the same time. Some of the fussier bears, however, didn't like Willie Bear one little bit. They chastised him loudly for his disgusting game whenever anyone would listen. But Willie was a jolly sort of teddy bear and generally well-liked, so nothing ever came of it.
The bear who chastised loudest of all was Rumpty Tumpty. He was a rather tatty old teddy bear with only one eye, and since he didn't feel very happy or look it, he wasn't a jolly teddy bear in the least. Rumpty Tumpty and Brushy Bear were best friends. They suited each other. Brushy Bear wasn't too smart, but he came from a respectable toybox. Rumpty Tumpty wasn't that respectable, but he possessed a sort of mad low cunning that, in a certain light, resembled genius, if you didn't look too closely, and didn't mind the peculiar smell. Together they made a formidable team.
On the day before the election, Rumpty Tumpty took Brushy Bear aside and he said, "I don't think I can stand another three weeks of Willie Bear and his cronies. I don't like him. I don't like him at all. I can't even stand him for one single more day!"
Brushy Bear scratched his big empty head, and said, "Well gee Rumpty. Folks like Willie an awful lot. What can we do?"
Rumpty Tumpty paced up and down for a bit. "I've got it! Brushy Bear, tomorrow you'll stand for election."
Brushy Bear looked scared. "I don't know Rumpty. A bear's got to be mighty smart if'n he wants to be the Master of Games. I ain't much for thinking, you know that."
"Ah, but Brushy, I'll be there behind you, and I'm very clever indeed. All you've got to do is say I'm your advisor. And when you're the Master of Games you can have a brand new tinkly bell. What do you say?"
Brushy Bear considered this a moment. "Would this be a shiny new bell?"
"Brushy, my friend, when you're the Master of Games you can have all the shiny things you want. Piles of them if you like."
Brushy Bear's eyes lit up. "Gee, piles of shiny things. I guess I'll do it."
The day of the election came around and all the bears gathered on the common. But Willie Bear was nowhere to be seen. This worried the teddy bears of Bearland a great deal, because if they could have, they would have voted for him again. (In truth, he had stayed away, because he'd grown tired of how the fussy bears fussed and spoiled his games and merry jests.) One of Willie's friends had to stand in his place, just so as not to let the side down. But when Brushy Bear came to the common and put his name forward, all the bears were astonished.
"How frightfully interesting," said Blurry Bear.
"A conundrum, to be sure," said Brainy Bear.
Brushy Bear was standing on the rostrum, with Rumpty Tumpty at his side. So Brainy Bear went over for a word, and the other teddy bears gathered around to hear what Brushy had to say for himself.
"Master of Games," said Brainy Bear, "is a very responsible position. Are you sure you've got enough stuffing in your head to do the job?"
"Ooh," said Brushy Bear. "That's an easy one! T'ain't no stuffing in my head at all. It's hollow and there's a tinkly bell inside." By way of demonstration he shook his head vigorously, which did indeed tinkle.
Rumpty Tumpty grabbed Brushy Bear by the arm and whispered urgently in his ear. Then he turned and grimaced at the crowd. "I assure you, Brushy Bear is perfectly qualified for the job. He will have the best advice from experienced advisors." He stood on the tips of his paws when he said it, and spread his arms ever so slightly.
Brainy Bear gave Rumpty Tumpty a long, appraising look. "Perhaps," he said.
On another day the result would have been a clear loss for Brushy Bear. But that day, demoralised by Willie's departure, Willie's friends didn't make a good show of it. In the afternoon, after the ballot boxes were all gathered up, the counting began. And all across the common, the Bears gathered to watch and to see who would become their new Master of Games. The first box went to Brushy Bear, but the next went to the friends of Willie. And so it went all the long afternoon. By afternoon tea, Brushy Bear and the friends of Willie were locked in a dead heat with only one ballot box left to count. And though the tea and scones were rolled out on the tea trolley, not a single teddy bear stopped for a bite or sup.
The electoral bear unlocked the last ballot box and he started to count the votes out loud, one by one, so everyone could hear. At first, Brushy Bear took the lead, but then the friends of Willie started to catch up again.
Rumpty Tumpty, who sat on the edge of the rostrum beside Brushy Bear became so agitated that the stuffing began to bulge from his tatty ears. "We cannot lose," he said. "We must not lose. We will not lose!"
He jumped to his paws and began pacing up and down before the ballot box. The electoral bear gave him a disapproving look, but kept counting the votes one by one. Then, at the very moment the electoral bear picked up the vote that would have drawn the friends of Willie even with Brushy Bear, Rumpty Tumpty seemed to trip. I say he seemed to trip, because it looked plainly faked to everyone close by. Even Brushy Bear frowned at it (although he might just have been trying to stare at the end of his nose again). Rumpty Tumpty tripped, and he went barrelling into the ballot box. The ballot box tipped over. All the votes came spilling out, and a gust of wind took them and sent them flying away across the common, lost forever.
"Oh dear," said the electoral bear.
"Oops, sorry," said Rumpty Tumpty.
The electoral bear fixed Rumpty Tumpty with a very stern gaze. "Do you know what this means? The election is spoiled. We will have to hold it all over again."
"No no no!" Rumpty Tumpty shouted. "No second elections. We need closure, that's what we need! Brushy Bear was ahead by one vote when the counting stopped. So there's your result. Brushy Bear by one vote!"
Someone near the front of the crowd said, "What does closure mean?" Brainy Bear replied, "I don't know. I thought a free, fair, and democratic election was what we needed, rather than closure."
But further debate was impossible. Rumpty Tumpty was chanting Brushy Bear's name. A few of the bears at the back of the crowd, who didn't see what had happened, figured that Brushy Bear must have won the ballot in the usual way, and they started to take up the chant as well. And after that, all the bears on the common got caught up in the heat of the moment.
Brushy Bear went and tapped on Rumpty Tumpty's shoulder. "Duh, we ain't going to get into trouble about this, are we?"
Rumpty smiled maniacally. "Of course not Master Brushy. Congratulations on your triumphant and indisputable victory."
After sunset, when the word had got around, a few concerned teddy bears gathered on the common. The friends of Willie talked of disputing the election result, but the gathered crowd weren't enthusiastic. It was deplorable, yes, but what did it really matter? How much damage could one, rather unintelligent teddy bear do in a mere three weeks? It was better, they decided, to rectify the situation at the next election.
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