Lurker... conversations

[A_Non_Ymous]

'Harumph!' muttered Mycroft 'Be that as it may, we'll be continuing this narrative just as soon as that L Stearns Newburg stops writing poetry and get his Holmesian finger out!'

"... that L_Stearns_Newburg"! Next, I'll be accused of being a "fellow," doubtless in the Pickwickian sense.

Cut me some slack, guys. I wrote those silly verses late at night, and they weren't very time consuming to do.

I've got a journal deadline to meet at work, and it's hard to write this stuff without "clean hands and composure," as Flaubert put it (more or less). :-]

I've got an idea about the next sequence, but I've got to wait for the time to be right to do it. It might not be before Friday. :roll:

Sorry for the delay. I've expressed before my impatience when my profession (such as it is) interferes with my amusements.

LSN

[A_Non_Ymous]

'Newburg?' said a puzzled Holmes. 'I'm puzzled. Who, pray tell, is this fellow Newburg?'

'Fellow is right!' I broke in helpfully. 'American poetaster. Thinks he's the next Laforgue, but I'd say on the evidence of his vapid doggerel, he's ather closer kin to the late -- not to say lamentable -- Robert W. Service.'

'Thank you, Watson,' said Holmes with obvious impatience, as he struck me about the head and shoulders with his deerstalker cap. 'Now about this unusual specimen of the order felidae --'

'For a while, he signed himself L. S. Newburg, but fears of seeming a trifle "precious," dissuaded him from that questionable path.'

'Basta!' shouted Holmes, his arms waving like a windmill in a hurricane, which I knew to be his interpretation of the Italian penchant for emotive gesticulation.

... (to be continued)

[xidrep]

Sorry, LSN, old fellow. I know that you are pressured, not least because I will be demanding heavy contributions to 'Prototype 1' from you. Hahaha! Your verses are excellent, by the way, and I think you should give up your day job and be paid an equal salary (at least) for your creations. Mind you, so should I...And Grey Mouser...And DeeCrowSeer :lol:

By the way, Grey Mouser, will you be contributing to my most excellent and perspicacious publicationette? Hmmm? Eh?

[A_Non_Ymous]

Sorry, LSN, old fellow.

I'm not old (he said, making minatory gestures with his ear trumpet). I'm superannuated!

I know that you are pressured, not least because I will be demanding heavy contributions to 'Prototype 1' from you. Hahaha!

What do you want of me, sir? I am a writer in the sense that woodpeckers are carpenters. What I can contribute to your community arts effort seems small, at best. I do want to get
a copy of the periodical when it becomes available. You need to apprise us of the procedure for obtaining it when it appears.

Your verses are excellent, by the way,

:roll: For a moment, I became somewhat disoriented by this (dare I say "fulsome"?) praise. Then, you followed it up with:

and I think you should give up your day job and be paid an equal salary (at least) for your creations.

and I knew that you were simply ragging me. :lol:

Actually, I think I should be suitably subsidized in order to maintain myself in a manner to which I could all-too-easily become accustomed. The quid pro quo I would provide is existence, pure and simple.

Mind you, so should I...And Grey Mouser...And DeeCrowSeer :lol:

All of us, of course, except for Dee. I understand he's the "kept" man of a certain Madame Sagnier, and needs no arts subsidy. 8O

My subsidy can't come from the Arts Council, of course, since my disqualification for same derives from much the same reason that Ford Madox Ford denied Hemingway's claim to be a gentleman. ("Am I a gentleman?" "Nonsense! You're an American -- of course, you might be considered a gentleman in Italy.")

By the way, Grey Mouser, will you be contributing to my most excellent and perspicacious publicationette? Hmmm? Eh?

The Mouser and Mikey_C should contribute, most definitely.

I promise to follow up with my next installment of 'Lurker...' sometime in the next few days. Probably not tonight; I'm afraid I've got a tae kwon do class to teach in that time frame.

Perdix, we'd appreciate the gift of a few visionary quatrains from you in the Verse Submissions thread. If the Muse fails you, perhaps you can avail yourself of a bottle of Frascati, or if that fails, some West Country Scrumpy...

LSN

[Grey Mouser]

By the way, Grey Mouser, will you be contributing to my most excellent and perspicacious publicationette? Hmmm? Eh?

I certainly hope to Perdix. A poem and a short story perhaps, if I can figure out a way for them to be experimental in some form without being too much art for arts sake as it were.

[xidrep]

Art for art's sake is fine, my grizzled murine friend!

There's a Great Spotted Woodpecker pecking at my bag of nuts* and harassing the tits** on my bird table (or 'bird feeding station' as I believe you right transatlantic johnnies would term it) right now, LSN, so I take that as an omen, after your Carpentry-Picaformes comparison, that you must contribute to the Prototype 1 rag! Haha!

*Peanuts. In a bag.
**Titmice, including today, Blue, Great, Coal and Long-tailed.

[DeeCrowSeer]

Mind you, so should I...And Grey Mouser...And DeeCrowSeer :lol:

All of us, of course, except for Dee. I understand he's the "kept" man
of a certain Madame Sagnier, and needs no arts subsidy. 8O

What I do for Ludivine is an art in itself. I believe I deserve funding for that, if nothing else!

[A_Non_Ymous]

Art for art's sake is fine, my grizzled murine friend!

L'art pour l'art. Where's Theophile Gautier when we need him?

The Mouser, murine? The Murinae, and perhaps even the Muridae as
a whole, are, by definition his prey -- unless he's come to identify with
his antagonists.

I don't think he's particularly grizzled, either. :lol:

There's a Great Spotted Woodpecker pecking at my bag of nuts*

The alternative, somewhat scabrous interpretation produces an
interesting image... Perhaps we can get Dee to provide us a piece
of "religious" art: Perdix, as St Sebastian, providing nourishment
to the little birds....

and harassing the tits** on my bird table

I note the absence of the tufted titmouse from your bird menagerie.
Perhaps it's not indigenous to the U.K.

Discussion of titmice with one's spouse can produce strange-sounding
yet innocuous conversations. Also provide one with jokes of a low-
humor variety. Even better than referring to les fourmis (ants)
as "pissmires." (What a wonderful, awful word, redolent of myrmidons
and urine.) :lol:

(or 'bird feeding station' as I believe you right transatlantic johnnies would term it) right now, LSN, so I take that as an omen, after your Carpentry-Picaformes comparison, that you must contribute to the Prototype 1 rag! Haha!

Tell me what you want, and perhaps I can attempt to produce something.
When's the cut off date? (Just what I need, another journal deadline.:roll:)

LSN

[xidrep]

I should have said murinophagic! Mea culpa :)

Deadline is End of April. Roughly. I'll probably stretch it a bit...while I haggle with the printers!!!

[A_Non_Ymous]

I should have said murinophagic! Mea culpa :)

Deadline is End of April. Roughly. I'll probably stretch it a bit...while I haggle with the printers!!!

You're as beseeching as a lapwing, which belongs, if memory serves,
to the same family as the Perdix.

As long as you're not trying to lure me off a cliff, I'll see what I can do.
(Cut to image of the Waite Tarot deck, shuffle out Major Arcana, and
select the card known as the Fool. Note the foot stepping off the cliff,
as the small idiot dog yaps and capers at his heels? That's me, heedless
of my artistic incapacity as I let Perdix talk me into giving this a try.)

:oops:

Mea maxima culpa. And no one to give me absolution, or make
me recite, "Hail Mary, full of grease, the lard is with thee." Just as
well.

LSN

[A_Non_Ymous]

There. I hope that'll hold you guys for a while, as well as provide a suitable narrative
hook for further development.

I haven't checked the actual wordage, but I'd hope that this outpouring of pseudo-fiction
would exonerate me of charges that I'm not pulling my weight. If you find what I did
not up to snuff, I plead incompetence. Fiction writing isn't my mأ©tier.

Now, Perdix, I suggest you pick up the thread and leave a nice bridge for the Mouser
to dramatise the cat's shennanigans.

There's still the matter of getting Holmes and Watson to Providence, R.I. I think they
should take a trip through the Dreamlands, and visit Celephaأ¯s and the wood of the
Zoogs. Perhaps the cat took off to track a Zoog loose in the Diogenes Club. Would
the cat find such provender tasty? Perhaps. :lol:

I think Bill has now taken up existence as a ghoul, much as was the case for Pickman.
Would he ply his trade in the national Republican Party? Or did he take an assignment
that has brought him to London...?

So take it, guys.

LSN

[A_Non_Ymous]

Mind you, so should I...And Grey Mouser...And DeeCrowSeer :lol:

All of us, of course, except for Dee. I understand he's the "kept" man
of a certain Madame Sagnier, and needs no arts subsidy. 8O

What I do for Ludivine is an art in itself. I believe I deserve funding for that, if nothing else!

It's nice to know that Duncan, just as with Watson in "Lurker...", has the right
tools for the job.

LSN

[DeeCrowSeer]

It's nice to know that Duncan, just as with Watson in "Lurker...", has the right tools for the job.

Naturellement! :D

[A_Non_Ymous]

It's nice to know that Duncan, just as with Watson in "Lurker...", has the right tools for the job.

Naturellement! :D

Perhaps rather than "tool" I should have said "instrument" for the job, as in "l'instrument." *

By the way, Duncan, where are our illustrations for "Lurker at the Baker Street Threshold"? :lol:

LSN

* XXXX - I don't want to corrupt your usage of the language.

[A_Non_Ymous]

I went back and did an editing pass on my earlier postings of "Lurker...." I've amplified
and expanded what I wrote in many, no doubt insignificant ways. Still, those postings
now contain new material, if you're interested.

LSN