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Another poem of me

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  • Another poem of me

    Hi, folks!

    Firstly, I want to thank for your very good reception to my poem (Song For Cassimir). This fact makes me courageous to show/share another poem of me. it follows below.
    Oh, this work is not of Mikeآ´s multiverse and it is not relationed to the Myth of the Eternal Champion.
    Please, opinions and critiques will be welcome. Oh, forgive me eventual mistakes (as you know, my original language is portuguese, not english).

    Multiversally thankful,
    Rita Maria Felix da Silva.

    NETZ-OTPEC
    By Rita Maria Felix da Silva

    Netz-Otpec was a brave
    from indomitable and distant lands.
    He never feared man or beast,
    nor bowed down before masters or kings.

    Fierce face like the war,
    heart more sharpened than the sword.
    Early he made himself hero in battle
    and conquered fame and glory.

    He slain terrible monsters
    and arrogant warriors.
    From him were made great stories
    which the time craved to erase.

    But a day he became old,
    his body betrayed his forces.
    He looked for refuge on a bed
    to wait the end.

    Waiting he fell asleep
    and the gods sent a dream
    made from divine arrogance
    and from some deep true.

    In the dream he dreamt of another live
    simple, peaceful and good,
    filled by a happiness
    how his heart never had seen.

    What are wars and bloodshed for?
    Fame, wealth and an endless battle?
    Why this other road I did not choose?
    — sleeping he wondered.

    Sleeping, he let to fall a tear
    for a life made by sword.
    This stirred the godsآ´s pity
    and dreaming he died.

    By the deathآ´s hand
    they took his spirit
    to the dream of another life
    and in this dream he waked.

    It was a simple peaceful good life
    full of durable calm happiness,
    He didn’t remember the warrior who ever was
    and his new life he just lived.

    While in other world, other life
    A sword rested useless and lost
    for its master forever forgotten
    because its way ended.

    03/12/2005
    Dedicated to Maxxx Turbo.

  • #2
    Thats really good :) It must be hard writing in a language other than your native language but you have certainly managed it well!

    Comment


    • #3
      Another excellent poem! At first it was a stirring study of a dedicated warrior, but then the tone changed and it became an ode to simple, peaceful pleasures. I hadn't expected that, and it was a very pleasant surprise. Thank you for sharing more of your work with us. :)
      "That which does not kill us, makes us stranger." - Trevor Goodchild

      Comment


      • #4
        Good one Rita! On VE day, the dream of peace is especially poignant. I sure wish humanity could learn from the past but it seems to be a difficult lesson. You have a good heart, I think. :)

        Comment


        • #5
          Great!
          What, if you would tell us, is behind it all? Real people? " Netz-Otpec" sounds Aztec or ... German
          Let us see the Portuguese original, too.
          Google ergo sum

          Comment


          • #6
            ooooo.... i liked this part:

            "It was a simple peaceful good life
            full of durable calm happiness"

            this sounds like volumes, really.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by HawkLord
              Thats really good :) It must be hard writing in a language other than your native language but you have certainly managed it well!
              Thank you very much, Hawklord. Yes, it is very hard to write in other language.
              Rita.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by DeeCrowSeer
                Another excellent poem! At first it was a stirring study of a dedicated warrior, but then the tone changed and it became an ode to simple, peaceful pleasures. I hadn't expected that, and it was a very pleasant surprise. Thank you for sharing more of your work with us. :)
                Thanks, Dee!
                I am very glad because you have liked my poem.
                It have been very good to post my poems in this forum and you and the other have been very kind about them. Again, thanks.
                Rita.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Marc
                  Good one Rita! On VE day, the dream of peace is especially poignant. I sure wish humanity could learn from the past but it seems to be a difficult lesson. You have a good heart, I think. :)
                  Thanks, Marc! And wise words! Unhappily, There is a very long way until the humanity can understand the peace is really the best way. Until this day come, We should just hope.
                  Oh, very kind your comment. My heart thanks you!
                  Rita Maria Felix da Silva.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LEtranger
                    Great!
                    What, if you would tell us, is behind it all? Real people? " Netz-Otpec" sounds Aztec or ... German
                    Let us see the Portuguese original, too.
                    Thanks, LEtranger!
                    Real People? No. My poems are based in my thoughts, feelings, observations, viewpoints about the reality and my imaginations and inspirations. I see them like codifications of reality or a form of dialogue with the reality.
                    Aztec or German? Hum... This name sounds for me more aztec than german.
                    When I write I like to use simple names (for example: Glأ³ria, Ana, and so on). Netz-Otpec is an exception.
                    You can find the portuguese version of this poem in:
                    http://www.estronho.com.br/portal/content/view/3454/70/
                    So long.
                    Rita Maria Felix da Silva.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Poetgrrl
                      ooooo.... i liked this part:

                      "It was a simple peaceful good life
                      full of durable calm happiness"

                      this sounds like volumes, really.
                      :) Oh, thanks, Poetgrrl.

                      I have liked to write Netz-Otpec. I consider this poem as an "atipical Sword & Sorcery".
                      Rita Maria Felix da Silva.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thanks, obrigado, Rita Maria!

                        "Netz-Otpec" sounding German was a joke, could have been something technical though.
                        I look forward studying the poem in Portuguese as I understand it a little (reading more than spoken, say I get 60% of most texts) as I speak Spanish.
                        For 2006 there are plans to travel to and in Brazil, so I might as well start practising ...
                        Saludos
                        L'E
                        Google ergo sum

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LEtranger
                          Thanks, obrigado, Rita Maria!

                          "Netz-Otpec" sounding German was a joke, could have been something technical though.
                          I look forward studying the poem in Portuguese as I understand it a little (reading more than spoken, say I get 60% of most texts) as I speak Spanish.
                          For 2006 there are plans to travel to and in brasil, so I might as well start practising ...
                          Saludos
                          L'E
                          :) a joke...? rsrsrs
                          I hope you like the portuguese version of "Netz-Otpec" (it is the original version).
                          Unhappily, I do not speak (or read) spanish, but I need to learn this language. It is the main language of Mercosul.
                          (I wish to learn spanish and french).
                          I think that you will like Brazil.
                          So long.
                          Rita Maria Felix da Silva.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by RitaMaria
                            I hope you like the portuguese version of "Netz-Otpec" (it is the original version).
                            Unhappily, I do not speak (or read) spanish, but I need to learn this language. It is the main language of Mercosul.
                            (I wish to learn spanish and french).
                            I think that you will like Brazil.
                            So long.
                            Rita Maria Felix da Silva.
                            I like the Portuguese language very much unless it is spoken very lazily, as you sometimes hear it. But it is more difficult to understand when spoken than Spanish as the words are so much "interwoven" and more "in flow" while in Spanish, even when spoken very fast, it is easier to single out the words*, it is a harsher language than Portuguese, but not too harsh, of course.

                            * except Argentinian which is often pretty chewed up, and some Caribbean dialects.

                            Your poem is very beautiful in both Portuguese and English, Rita Maria!
                            And you probably know that (Rita) Maria Felix was the name of the most beautiful Mexican film star of the 1940's, 50' and 60's?
                            The're a song of her husband the composer Agustأ­n Lara called "Maria Bonita" adoring her, but lamenting that she left him ...
                            Google ergo sum

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm a bit late to this thread but enjoyed this poem too Rita-Maria esp the juxtaposition of the warriors life with that of the man of peace. In the warrior segment the lifestyle of Netz Otpec reminds me a little of Beowulf. There is also an aching sense of the temporality of all things in your poem, as both his war-like and peaceful lives seem brief and fragile in the face of time.

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