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Poetry

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  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Originally posted by Mikey_C
    You guys don't know how beautiful the Isle of Wight looks at this time of year :oops:
    Hey, is the visibility even good enough to see it from Portsmouth right now? :lol:

    We know you've been busy. I've got a placeholder in the ballade collection where your
    ballade will go when completed. No intention of rushing you, by the way. When you're
    done with your ballade, if you're up for doing an extended shared narrative line in
    Khayyأ،m quatrains, let us know. The Mouser and I have been plotting this activity,
    and we'd really like to have you involved.

    When you're ready, post it in the "MWM Verse Submissions" thread in the Writers
    forum, and I'll extract it for the MWM Verse Collection.

    I'd like to get the Verse Collection moved to the Writers forum. I assume we need
    Berry to do it. Mouser? Since you're a Chaos Engineer, can you arrange it? I'm
    not sure about the division of labor for you guys.

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • Mikey_C
    replied
    You guys don't know how beautiful the Isle of Wight looks at this time of year :oops:

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    This thread has gotten out of hand, and in addition, it probably should be in the
    Writers Forum instead.

    I've created 2 new threads in the Writers forum: a thread for techical discussion, questions,
    comments, and general banter:

    - [link expired]

    And a thread for verse submissions:

    - [link expired]

    You can, of course, simply go to the Writers forum and find the threads by name.

    We should probably lock this thread in the near future. It has served a noble purpose,
    but it's coming to the end of its natural life. I'd like to get the
    MWM Verse Collections thread moved to the Writers Forum, too. Not
    sure about the procedure to do that.

    LSN
    Last edited by Reinart der Fuchs; 04-04-2010, 08:13 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    A fugitive sonnet

    When we did the Petrarchan sonnets, I gave an example of one to a predefined set of
    end-rhymes that I'd done in a different context. In that example, I substituted the
    expression "cock or two" for the word "cockatoo" as a joke.

    Here's one of the sonnets I did to the words that didn't use that substitution. It's not
    a great sonnet, but as I've written before, I like the verse of scorn. Sometimes, scorn
    can be achieved by having the detested character speak and reveal himself. That's what
    I did here.

    As I said, it's not a winner, but I provide it for purposes of edification. Surely you
    people can do better than this! :lol:

    LSN

    ----
    A Quakebuttock's Testament, آ© 2004 by LSN

    My truant mind's not wanting in decision:
    For worthy ends I acknowledge no taboo.
    Yet bright, green wings of a vain cockatoo
    Or showy crest detract from thought's precision.
    Loutish action's a thing I can envision:
    Its noisy fanfare, its inane ado,
    Ad lib plans, and solutions impromptu
    Breed sick disdain, and bouts of dull derision.

    Reckless endeavor is the outer shell
    Of evanescent acts, which discommode,
    Like childish tantrums, or vapid chatter.
    But silent work and thought is Mimir's Well:
    To furious deed it serves as antipode,
    An antidote to Chaos' unkempt splatter.

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Originally posted by Grey Mouser
    . . .
    Also, while I enjoy the writing I get embarassed by what I've written about an hour or so after I've posted it :oops:
    Never apologise for anything you've written. The corollary is not to
    feel embarrassment, either. It either worked or it didn't, and if it didn't,
    all it means is that we weren't on our game for that foray. NBD. There's
    an element of chance in the success of these things, I find.

    Originally posted by Grey Mouser
    I'm in for the quatrain game but perhaps in another thread so we can keep the size of this one down.
    I've sent you some e-mail about some procedural matters concerning
    constructing the quatrain sequence. We can discuss it later. Agreed
    about the necessity of a new thread.

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • Grey Mouser
    replied
    I think seeing how the rest of you dealt with stuff helped (I've already admitted pinching Kommando's idea about a summoning for that part of my own verse), that and the advice about working a narative into it helped free up some avenues.

    I don't want to clog things up with more ballades so I'll keep quiet for now. I was toying with the idea of trying one where the Mouser fights the summoned dog-thing on his way to visit Fafhrd for another, but there's only so many riffs you can play off the same end rhymes. Where I'm concerned less is probably better than more. Also, while I enjoy the writing I get embarassed by what I've written about an hour or so after I've posted it :oops:

    I'm in for the quatrain game but perhaps in another thread so we can keep the size of this one down.

    Hawklord - let me know when you get an soundfile of your lyrics on-line and I'll have a listen. I'm totally unqualified to give you any worthwhile critique, but am happy to throw in some perspective if it helps.

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Here's hoping that Doc got all the grades turned in to the Registrar,
    and that he's now somewhat free to contribute some verses.

    Also, that Mikey_C can divert his gaze from the Isle of Wight long
    enough to compose his ballade soon.

    Quatrains, anyone? The Mouser has expressed interest, so far.

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Mouser,

    A comment about your recent outpouring of ballades. (Keep them
    coming, if you want.) It appears that something we all said or
    did -- even if it was just our examples -- unstuck your fancy in
    this form. The results we all see. I think you've now got a good
    feeling for what the ballade can do. I hope you enjoyed writing
    them after the painful first sortie.

    You and Mikey_C might be interested to know that James Branch
    Cabell wrote some ballades, and they're actually pretty good.
    You might look them up, if the spirit moves you.

    And it now looks as if the ballade is a poetic weapon in your
    arsenal. That should make all of us feel good. Learning new
    tricks is one of the joys of doing this stuff.

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    HawkLord,

    An interesting piece of work. However, songs are I think subject
    to different requirements than most poetry. What you wrote
    seems effective enough for your purposes. What's the
    chord progression and the time signature? If I've got idea,
    I can go to the keyboard or the guitar and get a feeling
    for the effect.

    This sort of seems more appropriate a discussion in a music
    composition thread, of course.

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • HawkLord
    replied
    In fact seeing as the topic of song lyrics is coming up, I think I'll post the lyrics to the song Dreamscape by my band Danny Cockroach(I'll tell you where you can download it when I get it online). These are one of my favorite lyrics I wrote with the band. Comments would be much appreciated.

    Dreamscape

    Crows are flying overhead
    In this bizarre dreamscape, messing with your head.
    The Purple Sun beats down on you
    As you look ahead into the void

    CHORUS: And then it hits you
    And then she hits you
    A brighter color I have never seen before
    And then it hits you.

    You lose the thread, you lose the plot
    You've lost your way in this mindscape.
    The clock face melts, the hands fall off
    The sands of time have slipped away.

    CHORUS

    The sky burns red, the ocean fades away
    The landscape leaves you all alone.
    Oh cruel fate! was this the way
    Was this how it was meant to be.

    CHORUS

    The sound of silence greets your ringing ears
    You say goodbye to the soundscape.
    The soundscape leaves you high and dry
    Lose the reason, lose the time, going deaf and going blind.

    CHORUS



    Any comments?

    Leave a comment:


  • HawkLord
    replied
    Originally posted by Grey Mouser

    Can I ask if you were approaching this as if writing the lyrics to a song? I only say this as when I read your ballades I almost half hear (esp with Hawklords), if not quite a formal tune, an ongoing music like free form jamming.
    Interesting you should say that actually. In fact I didn't set out to write as lyrics but it may have turned out like that as I am foremost a guitarist/vocalist in a band and so that may have influenced it.

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Excellent on both your 2nd and 3rd forays, Mouser. If HawkLord and Kommando
    give us a 2nd set of verses, then poor Mikey_C! Fortunately, his results tend to be
    high quality, so he can always reassure himself on that score.

    The next installment of the MWM Verse Collection is going to be a big one. I'm
    thinking about making a pass through to get the fugitive verses not contributed
    for the games, too. I can't imagine Doc posting another request for "More!" after
    this.

    Keep this up, and we've got the equivalent of a small book. 8O

    LSN

    P.S. I think Leiber would've approved of your 3rd ballade. He was no stranger to
    formal verse, by the way. He wrote sonnets, among other things.

    Leave a comment:


  • Grey Mouser
    replied
    Originally posted by L_Stearns_Newburg
    I hope HawkLord is permitted in such places
    at his age; I'm unsure of the regulations governing such things in
    the U.K. :lol:

    LSN
    In the UK astral travelling to places like the 7th sephira is allowed only if you're over 18. :)

    The meeting at the seventh sephira
    Upon the mystic plane of Q'Lippoth
    Where fun flows freely, laughter is much clearer,
    And all the beers do bear a hearty froth,
    Will be convened the moment we all master
    The art of mass projection in the astral.

    Here's another ballade. This one is a nod to the fabulous Fritz Leiber, Lankhmar, and the real Gray Mouser, whos name I have, perhaps inappropriately assumed (with a slight mis-spelling) for my forum nickname. The summoning scene was inspired by Kommando's use of it in his ballade.
    It takes place during the Lean Times in Lankhmar, when Mouser worked for Pulg and Fafhrd worked in the Street of the Gods.

    The Streets of Lankhmar

    He passed a group in whispered orison,
    A cheated trader gives a puzzled shout,
    He walked the streets, a traveller anon,
    Skirted a booth and dodged a heated bout.
    His darted sneer makes packs of urchins rout,
    So canny, streetwise all, and quick to learn,
    Whilst rats among the debris chew a mouldy sprout.
    Go Mouser, through the streets of Lankhmar turn.

    Cultists in a hidden basement wail in unison,
    A summoned dog-thing lifts a grizzled snout,
    It’s stinking fur is rank, it’s eyes are crimson,
    As for it’s victim it begins to scout,
    Spurred on to murder by the cultists’ knout.
    Nearby, the evening lamps begin to burn,
    Whilst, with empty wineskin, in alcoholic drought,
    Must Mouser, through the streets of Lankhmar turn.

    The street watch bear the Kistomerces’ blazon,
    Upon our gray-garbed traveller they glout;
    Here twisted eaves and roofs are the horizon,
    Hawkers and whores begin their wares to tout.
    He purchases a weighty jug of stout,
    And quaffing, must perforce take pains to spurn
    A cozening coquette, who’s smile becomes a pout,
    Makes Mouser through the streets of Lankhmar turn.

    For Fafhrd has become a friend devout
    To Bwadres, Issek priest, sans all discern,
    And Mouser thinks his future lies in doubt.
    Run Mouser, through the streets of Lankhmar turn.

    Leave a comment:


  • A_Non_Ymous
    replied
    Originally posted by Grey Mouser
    Originally posted by L_Stearns_Newburg

    Unless that was you I met in the 7th sephira of Qlippoth? :lol:

    LSN
    That would make a great name for a winebar. If I was drunk and disorderly it was probably me. :)
    Our coterie of versifiers must meet there to engage in wine-bibing
    and declaiming our verses to unwary passersby. Dee can capture
    it with pen and ink, and demand ransom when we've sobered up.

    When you discover its location, let me know, and we'll arrange the
    group rendezvous. I hope HawkLord is permitted in such places
    at his age; I'm unsure of the regulations governing such things in
    the U.K. :lol:

    Certainly beats the Mermaid Tavern!

    LSN

    Leave a comment:


  • Grey Mouser
    replied
    Originally posted by L_Stearns_Newburg

    Unless that was you I met in the 7th sephira of Qlippoth? :lol:

    LSN
    That would make a great name for a winebar. If I was drunk and disorderly it was probably me. :)

    Leave a comment:

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