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  • #31
    Originally posted by Mikey_C
    :lol:
    More of those three-syllable rhymes! You will be kind to us, won't you?
    :lol: Don't worry. I'll pick rhyme words that are easier than those.

    What you and HawkLord select is, of course, out of my control.

    LSN

    Comment


    • #32
      Is using a rhyming dictionary allowed? I haven't even heard of some of those words!
      \"...an ape reft of his tail, and grown rusty at climbing, who yet feels himself to be a symbol and the frail representative of Omnipotence in a place that is not home.\" James Branch Cabell

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Mikey_C
        Is using a rhyming dictionary allowed? I haven't even heard of some of those words!
        A rhyming dictionary is just fine.

        As for the strange words, it has been observed before that I've got a strange
        vocabulary. I no longer deny it.

        LSN

        Comment


        • #34
          Great thread Hawklord. You're all genuinely talented. Would you be willing to sign me up to the upcoming poetry excercise? I used to try writing poetry some 15 years or so ago but never really did get the hang of it and haven't written any since then. That could be a warning. :P

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by Grey Mouser
            Great thread Hawklord. You're all genuinely talented. Would you be willing to sign me up to the upcoming poetry excercise? I used to try writing poetry some 15 years or so ago but never really did get the hang of it and haven't written any since then. That could be a warning. :P
            Okay, Mouser, you're on.

            We've got 4 people (Mikey_C, Hawklord, the Mouser, and me). If more people ask
            to participate later, that'll be fine. However, we're now going to start selecting the
            end-rhymes.

            I go first, then Mikey_C, Hawklord, and Grey Mouser. I'll begin. Here's the
            rhyme scheme. I have filled in the first word for the a-rhymes. The word I
            have selected is "age." (See below.) Any word selected for an a-rhyme must
            have the "age" sound at the end.

            Now it's Mikey_C's turn. He's got the first "b-rhyme." The only restriction
            is that the word cannot rhyme with "age"; all subsequent b-rhymes must
            rhyme with the word he selects.

            When Mikey_C has posted his choice, it's HawkLord's turn to select the
            first c-rhyme. (That's the first end-rhyme of the concluding sestet.)

            When that word has been posted, it's Grey Mouser's turn to select the first
            d-rhyme (the second rhyme of the sestet).

            So we're waiting for Mikey_C. Unfortunately, it's not feasible to proceed in
            parallel.

            Choose well, friends, and try to pick words that you can live with when you
            come to write your sonnet.

            This ought to be interesting!

            LSN
            ----- Rhyme Scheme Below ----


            a - age
            b - Mikey_C's first word
            b -
            a -
            a -
            b -
            b -
            a -

            c - HawkLord's first word
            d - Grey Mouser's first word
            e -
            c -
            d -
            e -

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by Grey Mouser
              . . . You're all genuinely talented.
              :lol: That comment begs the question...never mind, except for a
              small quotation:

              Ci-git Louis, ce pauvre roi.
              L'on dit qu'il fut bon -- mais أ  quoi?

              Originally posted by Grey Mouser
              Would you be willing to sign me up to the upcoming poetry excercise? I used to try writing poetry some 15 years or so ago but never really did get the hang of it and haven't written any since then. That could be a warning. :P
              Obviously, it was okay (see previous posting). However, I want to put a stop right now
              to the notion that the work must aspire to some sort of standard of performance. We're
              just fooling around. HawkLord is young, but obviously very much taken up with writing
              verses, and as I've theorized before, Mikey_C is probably a ringer, but I'm just a
              versifier. I know the rules of the forms, and can in a Procrustean sort of way fit statements
              into the boundaries of those rules. As "talents" go, that's seems one of limited scope.


              So obviously, you don't need to worry.

              LSN

              Comment


              • #37
                This is a humble effort, I know...

                A superfluity,
                Of vacant, unformed words,
                The stream of concsiousness,
                Flows past in the eye of the mind.
                Emotion, passion, love and hate,
                Becomes but second'ry to this,
                Rhythm of words that are just words,
                And nothing more.
                Sounds are tortured, language stretched,
                Profaned in the name of this so-called art,
                As they attempt to define life,
                With their imperfect medium.
                And yet,
                When they write of their happiness,
                We cannot help but smile.

                Comment


                • #38
                  a - age
                  b - Mikey_C's first word = shame:oops:
                  b -
                  a -
                  a -
                  b -
                  b -
                  a -

                  c - HawkLord's first word
                  d - Grey Mouser's first word
                  e -
                  c -
                  d -
                  e -
                  \"...an ape reft of his tail, and grown rusty at climbing, who yet feels himself to be a symbol and the frail representative of Omnipotence in a place that is not home.\" James Branch Cabell

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Okay, HawkLord, you are "on deck" to produce the next word.
                    I'm going to provide an editorial comment (which is to say, this
                    is my personal opinion, based on practice and experience). One-syllable
                    rhyme words work very well. It's important that one pick a word that
                    provides a certain level of ambiguity, or you'll drag everyone's verses
                    in a well-defined direction. Mikey_C's initial selection seems good to
                    me because of that. The words so far carry certain suggestions, but
                    they can be manipulated to one's own end.

                    Incidentally, I'm not feeling doctrinnaire about 1-syllable words. If
                    you see a 2- or 3-syllable word that you like the sound of, or which
                    simply is connected to lots of clusters of association, feel free to use
                    it.

                    LSN

                    ------- Rhyme Scheme -------------

                    a - age
                    b - shame
                    b -
                    a -
                    a -
                    b -
                    b -
                    a -

                    c - HawkLord's first word
                    d - Grey Mouser's first word
                    e -
                    c -
                    d -
                    e -

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Interesting.

                      Just curious: do you really want a comma after
                      the word "consciousness" in the 3rd line? There's
                      a difference in meaning and psychological state between

                      "The stream of consciousness, Flows past in the eye of the mind."

                      versus

                      "The stream of consciousness Flows past in the eye of the mind."

                      I'm not being persnickety. I just want to make sure I read
                      your intentions correctly. When I read those two lines, I paused,
                      wondering whether you wanted no pause after "consciousness"
                      or whether you were going after a Beckettian sort of ontological
                      state.

                      LSN

                      Originally posted by kid
                      This is a humble effort, I know...

                      A superfluity,
                      Of vacant, unformed words,
                      The stream of concsiousness,
                      Flows past in the eye of the mind.
                      Emotion, passion, love and hate,
                      Becomes but second'ry to this,
                      Rhythm of words that are just words,
                      And nothing more.
                      Sounds are tortured, language stretched,
                      Profaned in the name of this so-called art,
                      As they attempt to define life,
                      With their imperfect medium.
                      And yet,
                      When they write of their happiness,
                      We cannot help but smile.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Hi LSN. I love your observations on academia. You have a good feel for the self-importance I have to navigate sometimes.

                        Also, I hate that you started your game when I'm most busy. I feel like the kid who had to go inside to do his homework while his friends started the baseball game. :(

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Doc
                          Hi LSN. I love your observations on academia. You have a good feel for the self-importance I have to navigate sometimes.
                          My wife and I have 6 college degrees between us. Can you tell I've spent a lot of my
                          life associated with universities? Many of my closest friends are still connected with
                          them in various capacities.

                          Originally posted by Doc
                          Also, I hate that you started your game when I'm most busy. I feel like the kid who had to go inside to do his homework while his friends started the baseball game. :(
                          If this works okay -- and I think it might -- we'll do it again.

                          You, Adlerian, Jerico, and Dee are high on the list of people I think might turn out
                          something entertaining. Carter, too, but he seems to pop in only periodically.
                          And Bill, if he ever returns to the scene of the crime. There are others, too...

                          As it stands, Mikey_C, HawkLord, Grey Mouser, and I will see what we can do.
                          It's always more fun when a lot of people participate, but we've got a reasonable
                          set, and there's no point in waiting. It's my hope that after we get started, some
                          more people will join in.

                          It's funny, but of the 4 of us, am I the only one not from the U.K.? (Not sure about
                          HawkLord.) So perhaps I'm the lone "American" (whatever that means) representative.
                          I'd appreciate some help.

                          LSN

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Here's another ballade. This one is mostly an observational vignette. The protagonist
                            is insufficiently self-aware to recognize himself. (I know: I gave him the verses, he
                            read them and laughed and said, "I hate people like that!") The primary literary method
                            (I use the terms loosely) is one of irony and sarcasm. The bathos in the 2nd stanza is
                            intentional, and done for humorous effect. Maybe it's not a good idea; I think it
                            may vitiate the overall effect.

                            Despite appearances, I don't just crank these things out like a pornographer
                            producing a smutty book per hour. But let's face it: 14 - 28 verses don't
                            take much time to write. A good thing, since I have a real job that eats a lot
                            of time, plus other activities. I usually hack stuff out late at night, when I'm
                            relatively unoccupied.

                            I don't think this ballade is completely successful, but there are parts of it that I hope
                            will make the reader smile. The ballade provides "elbow room" for a more extended
                            image or argument than afforded by the sonnet. The structure is almost like that
                            of an expanded Elizabethan sonnet (except for the refrain, which produces a curious
                            effect not found in the shorter verse form). Franأ§ois Villon produced some great ballades.
                            In English, it hasn't been a form that has been practiced with great distinction.

                            LSN

                            --------
                            The late spring air that shimmers and grows still
                            In sweltering calm: season of the year
                            Of violent growth and lusty saps that spill
                            Upon the verdant earth. Bright colors smear
                            The mind's tableau: anxiety and fear
                            That deeds revealed will win him coat of tar
                            And feathers white or bullwhip stripأ¨d rear.
                            Can nought prevent pursuit of falling star?

                            آ§
                            In quest of nymphs through vale and over hill,
                            Whose bleating protests fall on deafened ear,
                            'Tis pleasant exercise with time to kill,
                            And one that needs no big or costly gear.
                            A draft of Hippocrene, or just cold beer,
                            Might tempt him to repair to fern-filled bar:
                            A grove the muses tend at cost quite dear.
                            Can nought prevent pursuit of falling star?

                            آ§
                            Angel or incubus? Electric thrill
                            Of pleasure pulses through his spear,
                            And damn the price until he gets the bill,
                            Which all his gold or cunning cannot clear.
                            The grove's guardian (or sacred steer)
                            Strikes from his grasp the big ambrosia jar:
                            Felicity's late guest lies on the pier.
                            Can nought prevent pursuit of falling star?

                            آ§
                            Upon the pier, regarded by the queer
                            Inhabitants who cannot perceive his scar,
                            He rises to resume his quest: a seer.
                            Can nought prevent pursuit of falling star?

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              a - age
                              b - Mikey_C's first word = shame
                              b -
                              a -
                              a -
                              b -
                              b -
                              a -

                              c - HawkLord's first word = time
                              d - Grey Mouser's first word
                              e -
                              c -
                              d -
                              e -

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Next up, is the Mouser. Then, we get to start contributing
                                words in order. (I'll do the next b-rhyme, Mikey_C the next
                                a-rhyme, etc.)

                                By the way, I think all 3 of the rhyme words so far are good
                                and workable and don't suffer from overuse. (No "moon/June"
                                rhymes, please. :-])

                                Mouser: your only requirement for a rhyme word is that it not
                                rhyme with "age," "shame," or "time."

                                LSN

                                ---
                                a - age
                                b - shame
                                b -
                                a -
                                a -
                                b -
                                b -
                                a -

                                c - time
                                d - Grey Mouser's first word
                                e -
                                c -
                                d -
                                e -

                                Comment

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