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Poetry

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  • Originally posted by HawkLord

    The scary thing is she isnt even such a bad teacher. As PSE teachers in our school go anyway! I remember one teacher told me I didnt need to me 'too different' when I was wearing a bandana to school.
    "You're all different!"

    (Chorus) "We're all different!"

    (Small lone voice) "I'm not..."
    Isn't school an interesting educational experience? Of course, what we learn isn't
    necessarily what they claim to teach.

    (From a person who spent a long time in university, and collected several funny
    letters after his name for the time and trouble.:lol:)

    LSN

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Grey Mouser
      . . .
      Sorry to come in so late with my one as I was having real trouble with this. That's why I'm doubly impressed with all your versions this time around and the way you have all moulded your theme into the sonnets form and pre set rhymes almost effortlessly it seems. Well here's mine then, a self pitying skit on how difficult I was finding it to write this time around (like Hawklord I had to look up sempiternal).
      I liked your sonnet, Mouser. Turning the sonnet into an examination of the verse-maker's
      art or creative process is a time-honored theme. There's a famous poem by Mallarmأ©
      that I could quote for purposes of illustration, but Duncan has already ragged me
      slightly for dropping in a chunk of untranslated foreign language, so I'll pass this
      time. :lol:

      I don't think you needed the emoticons, by the way, but they did create a curious
      effect, rather as if you performed the poem on stage and made faces. Poetry as
      performance art.

      I'm still tinkering with my 2nd effort. I've been busy with my "real" job, so I haven't
      spent much time on the verses. Maybe this is a good thing.

      So far, my vote for "best" sonnet in this sequence goes to Mikey_C's effort, but
      I liked all our productions. It's an interesting exercise, I've often found. Let's
      give this one a little more time before we declare it over and go on to the next
      verse form.

      HawkLord, if you haven't studied the various poetic forms in school much
      yet, when you get to that point, you're either going to be teacher's pet, or
      teacher's pain, I suspect. :lol: Most students never learn this stuff in any
      detail; in fact, many teachers of English learn it imperfectly, at best. When
      they get a student in class who actually understands this stuff, some
      don't know how to cope. I speak from personal observation.

      LSN

      Comment


      • I resemble that remark, L_Stearns_Newburg... my English teachers HATED me, but my Creative Writing instructors LOVED me...

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Valandar
          I resemble that remark, L_Stearns_Newburg... my English teachers HATED me, but my Creative Writing instructors LOVED me...
          I've never taken Creative Writing, but I can well imagine.

          Come on, Valandar. Where's your sonnet?

          LSN

          Comment


          • what makes me laugh will not make you
            you should be scared if it does
            for I'm afraid I cannot tell
            where I am from where I was

            Comment


            • Ok, I was readin through the threads, and I decided to try this. I haven't written poetry in years. Funny thing is I used to write a lot, and even had some put in minor publications. But then one day I woke up, and I couldn't stand poetry anymore. To this day, I have to struggle to not be repelled.

              So, I figure why not try and get over it and try this sonnet thing. So I did. I had decided to try and write it without reading the preceeding others. The thing that I find disturbing is how close mine came to Grey Mouser's. I had thought of changing it, but I can always to that later instead of censoring myself now.

              Why am I doing this?

              I would like to try and tell a tale,
              but I have no desire to impose.
              I'm a trifle worried that should I fail
              you might say words I would oppose.

              I really would like to redeem
              my dignity, for I feel its loss.
              But I fear I have no self esteem,
              so in the towel I toss.

              It would be nice if it would rain,
              to make my environment vernal.
              It would thus help me forget my pain,
              which pangs my heart sempiternal.

              I think now you'll be glad that I show,
              my sonnet is now in its final throe.
              Yuki says, "Krimson used to be known as Kommando, but he rarely uses that name anymore. Sometimes he appears as Krimson Gray as well. Do not be confused, he still loves cats and bagels."

              Comment


              • Interesting. You are, of course, welcome to participate in any of these
                games that we indulge ourselves with. It's not a competition -- it's a
                game, and not to be taken with the utmost seriousness.

                As for any similarity to prior efforts, don't worry about it. The final words
                often cause people's minds to work in similar directions. I've seen this
                happen when I've done this sort of thing before. Fairly common, in
                truth.

                LSN

                Comment


                • Thanks for that. It was kind of fun, especially with the format and word selection to add to the challenge. What got me interested is, of all the forums I visit, this has to be the most intellectually stimulating posting game I have come across.
                  Yuki says, "Krimson used to be known as Kommando, but he rarely uses that name anymore. Sometimes he appears as Krimson Gray as well. Do not be confused, he still loves cats and bagels."

                  Comment


                  • Kommando,

                    We're going to do another one. Please participate if you have the time and
                    desire to do so.

                    I've discovered from doing these verse games that if I do 10 of them, I might get
                    1 or 2 sets of verses that I like beyond being simply amused. That's good enough
                    for me. (Several of the other guys have a knack for it that I lack. I'm a versifier.)
                    That's why I encourage others to approach it as a game. Not taking it seriously,
                    even attempting to be funny, can take pressure off, and make it easier to write
                    these things. If it works, everyone's properly impressed; if not, hey, it was an
                    interesting exercise. I've compared it to doing the intellectual equivalent of a
                    tai chi long form, where you use your muscles in unusual and unaccustomed ways.

                    At any rate, we're going to work through several different traditional forms, and
                    see if we get any samples that are entertaining. We've already exceeded the
                    expected entertainment quota, I'd say.

                    LSN

                    Comment


                    • second Elizabethan sonnet

                      I'm not happy with this one. I played a few games with the scansion:
                      it's not iambic throughout, but that's not the thing that bothers me
                      about this. I'll just post it, and if I can figure a way to "improve" it,
                      I'll edit it here.

                      Sometimes, the verse experiment works, other times, not.

                      LSN

                      ---

                      Crazy as a Clockwork Orange

                      "A vipers' knot! You think I tell a tale?"
                      The senex's croak is that which might impose
                      On pious patience -- ours as well. To fail
                      Is small surprise: the senses do oppose!

                      "Jeremiads? Critique cannot redeem
                      Your dignitas, nor doubtful honor's loss.
                      You chose this course through bloated self-esteem.
                      Now blame and curses are what's left to toss!"

                      "To hell with that," we chide the man, and rain
                      Rough blows on snowy head. The evening's vernal,
                      We're minded to dispense the fear and pain.
                      Some ultraviolence? Or torture sempiternal?

                      We laughed then at the senex's screechy show,
                      His reek, his words, his cries: bearers of throe.

                      Comment


                      • next verse form?

                        Which verse form would everyone like to try next?

                        I've suggested the ballade, the pantoum, and the villanelle.
                        Other possibilities are ottava rima (the Don Juan stanza), or
                        an English ode. However, if there's some form that especially
                        appeals, I'm open.

                        If a review of the form you select is wanted, please say so.

                        By the way, if you want to see a ballade, I posted a few
                        earlier. Probably the most amusing is "Ballade for a Genius."
                        That should help illustrate the form, if that's the type
                        of verse that interests any of you.

                        LSN

                        Comment


                        • I'm up for a ballade, for a change of pace. :)
                          \"...an ape reft of his tail, and grown rusty at climbing, who yet feels himself to be a symbol and the frail representative of Omnipotence in a place that is not home.\" James Branch Cabell

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Mikey_C
                            I'm up for a ballade, for a change of pace. :)
                            Personally, I find the Elizabethan sonnet form a bit too constricting.

                            I'll follow up with the ground rules and an initial rhyme (perhaps) sometime
                            tonight (Pacific time). I'm delivering a seminar this week, and I'll only be
                            looking in this forum very, very occasionally until around midnight (if then).

                            Don't you hate it when your job interferes with your hobbies?

                            LSN

                            Comment


                            • ballade ground rules.

                              The rhyme scheme of the ballade resembles in some ways a "double sonnet." It
                              consists of 3 octets and a concluding quatrain. One feature that differentiates
                              it from the sonnet is that each stanza concludes in a refrain -- that is to say,
                              a line that is repeated. Here's the rhyme scheme. The location of the refrain
                              line is indicated by the capital-C.

                              ababbcbC

                              ababbcbC

                              ababbcbC

                              bcbC

                              Here's an example. I took a set of rhyme-words I used earlier for the ballade
                              that started, "Come on inside. Escape the wind and dust" and made a new,
                              different ballade from them to illustrate. It's not very good, of course. What
                              do you expect from "automatic" verse?

                              LSN

                              ---
                              Faith in a Distant Star, آ© 2004 by LSN

                              With humbled pride and hopes dragged in the dust,
                              Reduced at last to stolen Tetrarch's wine,
                              Corrosive bloom of red and mordant rust
                              And pain and blood persuade him to resign.
                              To serve a force infernal or divine?
                              To auction soul in life's ceaseless bazaar?
                              To seize the moment, forge a grand design?
                              As well to place faith in a distant star.

                              آ§

                              Chagrined when men make mock of naأ¯ve trust,
                              Vain curses worthless surrogate for whine.
                              A barren demonstration of disgust,
                              Conceals the wound that nails him to a pine.
                              Powers deployed to hurt or to malign
                              Exact a price that leaves a livid scar.
                              To pray for aide from powers more benign:
                              As well to place faith in a distant star.

                              آ§

                              To seek a shelter from the change wind's gust,
                              To wait for certain planets to align:
                              The concupiscent lure of well-formed bust
                              And Lethe's bright gift in tranquil dark entwine.
                              Towards rebirth or precipitous decline?
                              One cannot say, the light is too bizarre.
                              To join your fate in future hope with mine?
                              As well to place faith in a distant star.

                              آ§

                              Ignore portent, or take it as a sign
                              That hopes fulfilled entice us from afar:
                              A golden age of ease revealed in fine?
                              As well to place faith in a distant star.

                              Comment


                              • ballade: end-rhymes

                                I've selected the first a-rhyme. The Mouser needs to
                                choose particularly well, here; his C-rhyme will furnish
                                the basis of the refrain for each stanza. Obviously,
                                HawkLord's initial c-rhyme has an influence on it, too.

                                If Kommando wishes to join in (or anyone else), we can
                                assign some of the subsequent a-, b-, or c-rhymes.

                                LSN

                                ---

                                a - orison
                                b - Mikey_C
                                a
                                b
                                b
                                c - HawkLord
                                b
                                C - Grey Mouser

                                a
                                b
                                a
                                b
                                b
                                c
                                b
                                C - (repeated)

                                a
                                b
                                a
                                b
                                b
                                c
                                b
                                C - (repeated)

                                b
                                c
                                b
                                C - (repeated)

                                Comment

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