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Correspondents may be interested in the following paper from the journal 'Chrononavigation Today', October 15th 2004 (or thereabouts):
'Small-Scale Chronic Navigation in Metropolitan Envoironments'
Dr S. Duyvil, Capt. O Bastable, et al, Molesey Institute of Temporal Exploration (MITE).
Introduction
It has been suspected for some time that certain modalities of physical transportation may possess the properties required for Transchronic navigation. The construction of vehicles suitable for these purposes (Wells, 1899, Branson 2001) has been attempted, but problems associated with fine control, or complete failure to adhere to any recognisable schedule have limited the success of such ventures. We have developed a compact pedalocentric geodesic framework utilising an anthropogenic power source that has been observed under controlled studies to reduce the magnitude of the temporo-spatial continuum in the London area.
Materials
The MITE R&D Centre (the 'shed') constructed a lightweight conceptual vehicular contrivance, primarily consisting of a modular aluminium alloy space-frame sourced from the technology supplier 'Evans' of Wandsworth. To the nodal extremities of this matrix, two radial constructs based on a centripetal endless strip design were affixed and the outer circumferential boundaries of these coated in advanced technology vulcanised 'Dunlop' tubular interfaces. A cyclical sprocketised system linked by interdigitating metallurgical components to the compound construct referred to as the 'back wheel' was arranged so as to be powered by a 0.2bhp metatarsally actuated alternate transponder. Forward velocity is modulated via a complex mechanism designed by the well-known engineer Mr Sturmey-Archer. The vehicle was completed with a perpendicular control system acting on the forward section, and an organic-lined 'buttock-support unit' for accomodation of the operator.
Methodology
The vehicular contrivance was piloted by a laboratory technician who volunteered under threats. Commencing at the Notting Hill End of Ladbroke Grove (locus 061237, 718976) the vehicle was activated and, following an initially sluggish performance up the hill past St John's church, was observed to accelerate in a temporospatial vector that by the stage of the Bassett Road intersection caused measurable shrinkage of the Ladbroke Grove axis in comparison to the progress of a conventional internal-combustion machine operated simultaneously to the experimental design. The experimental mechanism achieved a 'speed' of 19 'Nero's* in 8.2 minutes, as opposed to the internal-combustion figure of only 6 'Nero's in the equivalent period. These results were found to be repeatable, except after 23:00 hours when the operator seemed prone to lose accurate control and caused the vehicle to get stuck in a drain.
Discussion
The hypothesis that the experimental vehicle is capable of advanced contracture of the temporo-spatial field is proven. There are some additional considerations, however:
(a) The operator must be fuelled adequately. Carbohydrate- and lipid-dense organic compounds such as 'Snickers' or 'Mars' units prove suitable.
(b) The Transchronic shift achieved by the vehicle can be enhanced by the use of 'wormhole'-like phenomena encountered in certain parts of the urban zone. Known as 'Buzz-slain' pathways, these discontinuities link disparate and apparently random loci via a high-speed chronic connexion. However, their use is made hazardous by occassional encounters with substantial 'red giants' operated seemingly without guiding intelligence by beings who steer with their feet, whilst listening to their MP3s and texting on their mobiles. The similar 'Psycho Lane' Network which was formerly believed to be of some facility in the Chronic navigation field has been rendered inoperative by regular obstruction by the singularities commonly referred to as 'Chelsea Tractors'.
(c) The operator must wear Day-Glo lycra NBC protective clothing and use at least fourteen different lights at all times to avoid their high velocity rendering them invisible to other road users.
(d) The comparison trial is not valid during school holidays.
* The 'Nero' is the standard unit of measurement for urban transchronic navigation. It combines the spatial and temporal factors with the human perception of time and space to give a guide as to 'Chronic Velocity'. It is derived from the observation of the 'Cafe Nero', and refers to the number of pseudo-mediterranean pavement cappuccino bars that the chrononaut passes during their time-travelling journey. The measurement is density-dependent and thus varies with radial location out of the metropolitan centre. Thus the Kensington High Street and Chiswick axes have Nero values of 48 and 39 respectively, whilst Dorking has a Nero potential of only eight. Wigan has a rating of one Nero, with the corollary consequence that time has virtually ceased to exist at this locus.
References
(1) The Highway Code, HMPO, 1987. pp 3-6.
(2) Cycle Mechanics for Beginners, Twatt-Hart, D (Editor), Oxford University Press 1991.
(3) 'Relativity and that sort of stuff', Bohr, N in New Scientist #9786, 1968.
Just thought some of you might be interested!
Darren 'perdix' Partridge
Too much coffee again...
'Small-Scale Chronic Navigation in Metropolitan Envoironments'
Dr S. Duyvil, Capt. O Bastable, et al, Molesey Institute of Temporal Exploration (MITE).
Introduction
It has been suspected for some time that certain modalities of physical transportation may possess the properties required for Transchronic navigation. The construction of vehicles suitable for these purposes (Wells, 1899, Branson 2001) has been attempted, but problems associated with fine control, or complete failure to adhere to any recognisable schedule have limited the success of such ventures. We have developed a compact pedalocentric geodesic framework utilising an anthropogenic power source that has been observed under controlled studies to reduce the magnitude of the temporo-spatial continuum in the London area.
Materials
The MITE R&D Centre (the 'shed') constructed a lightweight conceptual vehicular contrivance, primarily consisting of a modular aluminium alloy space-frame sourced from the technology supplier 'Evans' of Wandsworth. To the nodal extremities of this matrix, two radial constructs based on a centripetal endless strip design were affixed and the outer circumferential boundaries of these coated in advanced technology vulcanised 'Dunlop' tubular interfaces. A cyclical sprocketised system linked by interdigitating metallurgical components to the compound construct referred to as the 'back wheel' was arranged so as to be powered by a 0.2bhp metatarsally actuated alternate transponder. Forward velocity is modulated via a complex mechanism designed by the well-known engineer Mr Sturmey-Archer. The vehicle was completed with a perpendicular control system acting on the forward section, and an organic-lined 'buttock-support unit' for accomodation of the operator.
Methodology
The vehicular contrivance was piloted by a laboratory technician who volunteered under threats. Commencing at the Notting Hill End of Ladbroke Grove (locus 061237, 718976) the vehicle was activated and, following an initially sluggish performance up the hill past St John's church, was observed to accelerate in a temporospatial vector that by the stage of the Bassett Road intersection caused measurable shrinkage of the Ladbroke Grove axis in comparison to the progress of a conventional internal-combustion machine operated simultaneously to the experimental design. The experimental mechanism achieved a 'speed' of 19 'Nero's* in 8.2 minutes, as opposed to the internal-combustion figure of only 6 'Nero's in the equivalent period. These results were found to be repeatable, except after 23:00 hours when the operator seemed prone to lose accurate control and caused the vehicle to get stuck in a drain.
Discussion
The hypothesis that the experimental vehicle is capable of advanced contracture of the temporo-spatial field is proven. There are some additional considerations, however:
(a) The operator must be fuelled adequately. Carbohydrate- and lipid-dense organic compounds such as 'Snickers' or 'Mars' units prove suitable.
(b) The Transchronic shift achieved by the vehicle can be enhanced by the use of 'wormhole'-like phenomena encountered in certain parts of the urban zone. Known as 'Buzz-slain' pathways, these discontinuities link disparate and apparently random loci via a high-speed chronic connexion. However, their use is made hazardous by occassional encounters with substantial 'red giants' operated seemingly without guiding intelligence by beings who steer with their feet, whilst listening to their MP3s and texting on their mobiles. The similar 'Psycho Lane' Network which was formerly believed to be of some facility in the Chronic navigation field has been rendered inoperative by regular obstruction by the singularities commonly referred to as 'Chelsea Tractors'.
(c) The operator must wear Day-Glo lycra NBC protective clothing and use at least fourteen different lights at all times to avoid their high velocity rendering them invisible to other road users.
(d) The comparison trial is not valid during school holidays.
* The 'Nero' is the standard unit of measurement for urban transchronic navigation. It combines the spatial and temporal factors with the human perception of time and space to give a guide as to 'Chronic Velocity'. It is derived from the observation of the 'Cafe Nero', and refers to the number of pseudo-mediterranean pavement cappuccino bars that the chrononaut passes during their time-travelling journey. The measurement is density-dependent and thus varies with radial location out of the metropolitan centre. Thus the Kensington High Street and Chiswick axes have Nero values of 48 and 39 respectively, whilst Dorking has a Nero potential of only eight. Wigan has a rating of one Nero, with the corollary consequence that time has virtually ceased to exist at this locus.
References
(1) The Highway Code, HMPO, 1987. pp 3-6.
(2) Cycle Mechanics for Beginners, Twatt-Hart, D (Editor), Oxford University Press 1991.
(3) 'Relativity and that sort of stuff', Bohr, N in New Scientist #9786, 1968.
Just thought some of you might be interested!
Darren 'perdix' Partridge
Too much coffee again...
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