Ooh, the cheek

[Anonymous]

Has anyone every heard Dickie Davies' eyes by UK punk outfit Half Man Half Buscuit? I couldn't believe my ears... check out these lyrics...

Mention the Lord of the Rings just once more,
And I'll more than likely kill you.
"Moorcock, Moorcock, Michael Moorcock"
you fervently moan.
Is this a wok that you sholve down my throat,
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium.

And all those people
Who you, romantically,
Like to still believe are alive,
Are dead!
So I'll wipe my snot
On the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster
On the wall.

Not fans, I'd guess!

[Michael Moorcock]

Yeah, there were one or two like that and who can blame them. I have a feeling I'd have been sick and tired of all that, myself. The irony, of course, is that I seemed to get on as well with punks as anyone at that time, including doing the Sex Pistols Great Rock n Roll Swindle book. I liked the name. It turned out that the lead singer wasn't actually half-biscuit but was actually descended from the unholy union of a Bath bun, an Eccles cake and a part-time baker in Bradford. I seem to remember the scandal finished them off. Some mention of a Dundee cake, a Yorkshire pudding and an English muffin. Not the first baking scandal to tear the UK rock business apart, of course.

[Anonymous]

Hee hee - I remember that scandal... wasn't there something about Hob Nobs and chocolate fingers too?

[Michael Moorcock]

God, I'd forgotten about the chocolate fingers. I am still inclined to think the stuff about jam doughnuts and eclairs was exaggerated by the tabloids. I've tried it and it just isn't possible. Not at that height above sea level and in a tropical country. Sadly, one had to come to the conclusion that their claim to be working class was almost entirely bogus and based on their guitarist's step-mother's brief affair with a stale bap from Salford.
I thought the revelations about cream puffs, however, to be an unwarranted invasion of privacy. I'm still not sure how the Coolwhip
was involved, though. Did you ever see those pictures ? Baffling. But that's how it is in that business, all too often. But , as Nick Kent said in that famous NME article, their rock had Brighton all the way through it even if their roll was total sausage.

[Anonymous]

Bloody baps. Who do they think they are coming over here stealing our jobs and taking our women? Toasting's too good for 'em. Send 'em back to Norfolk where they belong, I say. And don't even get me started on eclairs...

[McTalbayne]

HAHA, gotta love snack cake humor.

[silverhand]

Baps!!!!

Bloody baps. Who do they think they are coming over here stealing our jobs and taking our women? Toasting's too good for 'em. Send 'em back to Norfolk where they belong, I say. And don't even get me started on eclairs...

Damn southern perversions, stottie cakes rule!

[Michael Moorcock]

You heard about the illegal Battenburgs smuggled in via trucks, of
course. The Daily Mail ran a feature on immigrant pastries which was pretty alarming. STOP THESE FOREIGN CREAM PUFFS SAYS THE SUN
was another typical headline. The problem's almost impossible to control. Apparently half of Kentish Town has been taken over by Turkish Delight. Looks like a sticky situation for Mr Blair and his Victoria Sandwich govt.

[zakt]

See previous post: [broken link]


HMHB were pretty much post-punk, coming out in about 1985, I think, and a more intelligent / sardonic British band it's hard to find. Birkenhead Nigel rather than Bath Oliver. The song titles alone crease me:

An Outbreak of Vitus Geralitus;
Rod Hull is Alive - Why?; (well, he was then)
D'Ye Ken Ted Moult?
All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit;
Eno Collaboration;
Four Skinny Indie Kids (Drinking Weak Lager in a Camden Boozer)

Check them out.
http://cobweb.businesscollaborator.com/hmhb/

[DeeCrowSeer]

Cake and ice cream! Cake and ice cream for Arioch!!!

D...

[Anonymous]

Just checked out the Half Man Half Biscuit website... note their lyrical explanations....

The Lord Of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien.
The sort of things Oxford professors of Old English do when they have too much spare time. Due to popular demand, virtually every scrap of paper he has ever written on has been published, including the totally unreadable "Unfinished Tales"

Michael Moorcock
Science fiction/fantasy writer, much-beloved of a particular sort of saddo, particularly his Elric fantasies. "Moorcock" has an unfortunate pornographic homonym phrase used in the song. Also, it appears, he wrote some songs for Hawkwind and possibly even The Blue Oyster cult.

Saddo am I? Eh? Eh? Well, ok, point taken...

[Michael Moorcock]

Illiterate sods.
It's not 'The' Blue Oyster Cult.
How can you trust people like that....
S. Addo.

[McTalbayne]

I used to be in "The" blue oyster cult. However, i found that my spiritual needs werent being fulfilled and looked for the messiah in other places such as "The" velvet underground.

[Michael Moorcock]

I found Sex Pistol answered my spiritual needs, but I thought they were a bit too heavy on the incense sticks and brown rice for my taste...

[Anonymous]

who the fudge is michael moorcock ???
And what's a blue oyster cake ?